Tuesday night / Wednesday morning were another rough stretch emotionally. I probably clocked in at less than 4 hours of sleep and when I woke up, was feeling so terrible and so lonely and isolated that I didn't know what to do with myself. I was even considering seeking out an animal shelter to volunteer … Continue reading Preparing to Take Another Step
Tag: depression
Human, Probably
It was a rough few days. I was definitely not in a good place mentally. Yesterday afternoon I received a response from the director of the electrician's apprenticeship program and he said there was no way to grant an exception for the high school transcripts - it's either that, or a 2 year degree. At … Continue reading Human, Probably
Schrodinger’s Loneliness
I need to not be alone today but I also need to be alone. I'm constantly on the verge of crying and the only people around are my husband and kids and I don't want them to see anything amiss and ask me about it. Writing doesn't seem to be helping me cope as much … Continue reading Schrodinger’s Loneliness
Fun Times
(That title is sarcastic.) I had a bad mental health episode yesterday, starting very early - around 3am because the meat suit isn't adjusted to the time change and thinks it's still 4am. I tried to write it up, yesterday, and found that I wasn't up to finishing the entry, emotionally. I'm pretty sure my … Continue reading Fun Times
Looking Again
I managed to exert myself in spite of my desire to wallow in self-pity and left a voice mail for the next likeliest therapist among the ones I'd bookmarked. He also practices in downtown Indy, within walking distance of the Central Library still, which to be honest would be a perk. More importantly, though, he … Continue reading Looking Again
A Little Discouraging
It seems I'm looking for a new therapist. Less than an hour before my appointment, while already on the road (I like to leave early), I received a text that the therapist I'd been attempting to get established with was sick, again, and had to cancel, again. He gave me the name of another therapist … Continue reading A Little Discouraging
Paranoia
Today my husband called on his break. He hasn't been doing that lately. Not since I made up my mind divorce was 100% happening and that we could no longer even continue our trying to be friends-with-benefits arrangement. He said he'd been thinking about something we discussed yesterday - how I'd said I couldn't trust … Continue reading Paranoia
Progress Report
Yesterday marked 3 months since my husband and I relocated to Indiana and began our last year together. 3 months of the 12 months I have to achieve independence, gone. That was a little frightening, and disheartening. I had to remind myself that I'm not being lazy. Living life requires an intense amount of effort … Continue reading Progress Report
Various and Sundry Items
I have been having a slightly harder time lately. Skirting the edge of depression. I can tell because it's harder for me to focus on things I'd normally be prioritizing, like writing on my blog, reading the blogs I follow, taking pictures while out walking, etc. I'm still more or less okay, though. Keeping my … Continue reading Various and Sundry Items
3:30am
Today is a gorgeous fall day. I had my coffee and a bagel with butter for breakfast. I got out and had a brisk walk this morning, and it was beautiful. There was a cute nerd in glasses reading his book while he walked, and I appreciated the eye candy. I came home, showered, and … Continue reading 3:30am
On A Good Day 