(That title is sarcastic.)
I had a bad mental health episode yesterday, starting very early – around 3am because the meat suit isn’t adjusted to the time change and thinks it’s still 4am. I tried to write it up, yesterday, and found that I wasn’t up to finishing the entry, emotionally.
I’m pretty sure my uterus is conspiring with my adrenal system to majorly fuck me up whenever my period starts. Whenever I feel most hopeless and trapped by circumstances and certain my future is doom and gloom, it is almost certainly going to coincide with my period starting.
And my stupid period has been occurring every 3 weeks instead of every 4 for months now. I’m getting in to see a gynecologist next week, and I hope they can find some answers and a way to fix this for me.
It was a rough day, even when I realized it was probably PMS taking my normal health symptoms and ramping them up x100. By the end of the day I had to console myself that it’s okay if some days all I accomplish is getting myself through the day alive and as emotionally intact as possible.
My sister J tracked down some information about cortisol and ways to help reduce it. It looks like I can pick up a supplement or two and make some dietary changes and see if it does anything for me. I sincerely hope it does, because I could really use some improvement. I’m pretty sure cortisol is directly tied to my inability to stay asleep and my worsened PMS.
I woke up this morning at around 12:20am, and was stuck awake for a couple of hours, but the worst of the emotional malaise had passed and I was not stuck there crying from loneliness, this time.
Honestly, I’d rather go back to the debilitating cramps of my youth that left me curled up on a floor if I didn’t get ibuprofen in time. It’s easier for me to endure physical pain than emotional pain.