Today my husband called on his break. He hasn’t been doing that lately. Not since I made up my mind divorce was 100% happening and that we could no longer even continue our trying to be friends-with-benefits arrangement.

He said he’d been thinking about something we discussed yesterday – how I’d said I couldn’t trust him. How I’d said, when asked in a conversation well before that, I wouldn’t tell him if I started to self-harm or experienced suicidal ideation. Was there anything he could do to earn my trust? He cared about me, after all.

When we’d talked about trust the day before, I’d already explained that for years, he’d made decisions based on what he thought was best while ignoring my input. So I told him no, there was nothing he could do.

The conversation devolved now that he wasn’t getting what he wanted. Eventually, he started to leverage the kids. I lived with them, after all. Was he just supposed to trust me? I told him the kids were in no danger from me. I told him he didn’t have to trust me, but was adamant that I was not going to be sharing with him about my mental health.

He was not happy.

I was not happy. I was feeling paranoid and jumpy after that call. Why was he so invested in finding out my mental health symptoms and whether or not I was self-harming or experiencing suicidal ideation? I can’t think of a way he can help me with that knowledge, but I sure can think of ways he could harm me.

And he wonders why I don’t trust him.

6 thoughts on “Paranoia

  1. Yep. Sounds typical. I swear, somewhere there is a book that teaches them how to do this because they all do this. It’s really creepy. Stay paranoid. I know that sounds weird to some, but it will keep you safe.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think one of the most maddening things about this is that it’s all completely unnecessary and wasted energy on his part. We could get through this with a lot less stress and pain if not for him being irrational and playing stupid games.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know. But it’s not going to change so just don’t let him talk to you about. Have you heard of grey rock? It’s a way of dealing with them since, because there are children involved, you still have to communicate. Look it up and see if you think it will work for you. I’m always in trouble the second I think I can have a reasonable conversation with him. Even now, nearly five years after I left.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. So, I looked it up, and the article contained a description of narcissistic traits and I was shocked to see the ghost of my husband in those traits. I don’t think he’d be diagnosed with a full blown personality disorder of any type, but I do believe he has issues with some narcissistic traits, and I had not expected that.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Narcissists aren’t generally diagnosed at all because 1) they don’t go for actual help 2) as we know, therapy is designed for the patient, as a result, the patient is often able to manipulate the therapist.

        I really hope it will be helpful for you. It’s really helped me to see that there is no reasoning with him.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s