Thursday something occurred that felt nearly miraculous. My therapist expressed his opinion that I was doing so well that all I might need at this point would be the occasional session to check in and make sure everything was still okay. It's a little less than 2 years since I embarked on a journey to … Continue reading Recovery
Category: Mental Illness
High Anxiety
I haven't been around much. As my life and mood improved I found I needed writing as an outlet less and less. Plus, my laptop is behaving badly and typing this out on a phone is a massive pain. Going through a high anxiety day today and having to remind myself how many good days … Continue reading High Anxiety
Solid Ground
In 2015, easily one of the worst (if not the worst) years I had for depression and mental health issues, I felt like I was alone in the ocean, at night, with no idea which way to swim in order to reach land - just trying to float and wondering if I would go under. … Continue reading Solid Ground
Bits and Pieces
I was so devastated at the idea of working retail. I sucked it up and applied for a job and I ended up working at a grocery store in a pandemic. That sounds pretty terrible on the surface of things. So it's a little surreal that when I'm at work I'm the most at peace … Continue reading Bits and Pieces
So Many Feelings
H introduced me to something called synthesia / black MIDIs which is basically music that builds up into cramming as many notes as possible before sanity or the computer breaks down. H likes it - I think I'd have to be very heavily caffeinated and high on life before I could actually enjoy it as … Continue reading So Many Feelings
An Unwanted Visit
I have another 4 days off in a row. This will be followed by 4 days working. I'd rather the shifts were spread out a little more, though, as even just a 4 day stretch trapped in quarantine with my ex is mildly insanity inducing at best. Last night I was consoling myself that at … Continue reading An Unwanted Visit
It’s Fine Until It’s Not
[A couple of months ago I felt confident enough about where I was, mentally and emotionally, to let my group chat with my sister J, A and M know I'd been blogging. M wanted to be able to read it, so I sent her the link. M, if you're reading this, I suggest you stop … Continue reading It’s Fine Until It’s Not
Oops
I realized recently that some of my posts (because they're written as a public journal, emphasis on the journal) include statements that are likely to be confusing because they're missing context. So, trying to come up with a short biography for people that might be newer to reading here. I was home schooled and raised … Continue reading Oops
I’m Okay
I'm not great, I'm not terrible. After a very rough start to the quarantine and social distancing, I've settled into an equilibrium of sorts. I'm not at my best - I managed to have a pretty good few weeks from February to mid-March. The anxiety and depression were very low, happiness was up. I'm definitely … Continue reading I’m Okay
Unslumping
Woke up this morning and started feeling anxiety kicking back in. A and H weren't very talkative Friday, and it made me start going into an anxiety spiral of 'what if I lost them as friends?' which was so gut-twisting it made me want to scream into the void. But that put me into problem-solving … Continue reading Unslumping
On A Good Day 