I need to not be alone today but I also need to be alone. I'm constantly on the verge of crying and the only people around are my husband and kids and I don't want them to see anything amiss and ask me about it. Writing doesn't seem to be helping me cope as much … Continue reading Schrodinger’s Loneliness
Venting
I try not to waste anger on my mom and the choices she made about how she raised me and educated me. Right now, though, it's a little difficult not to feel hurt, sad and angry. I worked up the courage to place a phone call to the Electrical Training Institute to clarify their application … Continue reading Venting
Adult Education
I have started an adult basic education course to fix my math skills and earn the necessary requirement for applying for the electrician's apprenticeship program. I feel like I'll probably have a lot of catching up to do - my math skills have gotten very rusty in the last 20 years. Provided I'm able to … Continue reading Adult Education
Fun Times
(That title is sarcastic.) I had a bad mental health episode yesterday, starting very early - around 3am because the meat suit isn't adjusted to the time change and thinks it's still 4am. I tried to write it up, yesterday, and found that I wasn't up to finishing the entry, emotionally. I'm pretty sure my … Continue reading Fun Times
Narcissistic Traits
So one of the writers I've met through this blog, Renata, had mentioned the grey rock method and suggested I should look it up because I might find it useful when communicating with my husband. The entry I found surprised the hell out of me. Not because of the grey rock method, but because it … Continue reading Narcissistic Traits
Looking Again
I managed to exert myself in spite of my desire to wallow in self-pity and left a voice mail for the next likeliest therapist among the ones I'd bookmarked. He also practices in downtown Indy, within walking distance of the Central Library still, which to be honest would be a perk. More importantly, though, he … Continue reading Looking Again
A Little Discouraging
It seems I'm looking for a new therapist. Less than an hour before my appointment, while already on the road (I like to leave early), I received a text that the therapist I'd been attempting to get established with was sick, again, and had to cancel, again. He gave me the name of another therapist … Continue reading A Little Discouraging
Paranoia
Today my husband called on his break. He hasn't been doing that lately. Not since I made up my mind divorce was 100% happening and that we could no longer even continue our trying to be friends-with-benefits arrangement. He said he'd been thinking about something we discussed yesterday - how I'd said I couldn't trust … Continue reading Paranoia
Behind On Updating
I really do want to be staying current on what's happening in my life, as I find it useful to be able to look back and see what I recorded, but apparently that's just not something I'm staying on top of right now. I had an issue develop with my shoulder, I believe I mentioned, … Continue reading Behind On Updating
Progress Report
Yesterday marked 3 months since my husband and I relocated to Indiana and began our last year together. 3 months of the 12 months I have to achieve independence, gone. That was a little frightening, and disheartening. I had to remind myself that I'm not being lazy. Living life requires an intense amount of effort … Continue reading Progress Report
On A Good Day 