I listened to melancholy, sad songs all morning. Wrote. Processed. Grieved. The weather is nice today, so I prioritized getting out for a walk and drove up to Potter's Bridge sometime after noon. By the time I got there, I realized my mood was significantly improving. I felt powerful. I asked myself a question, dug … Continue reading Powerful
Stupid Human Psyche
So, I had recently made the realization that everything related to searching for employment was causing me significant anxiety, MORE anxiety than getting divorced and currently being trapped living with my ex. Which made no sense. What was I afraid of? What was hanging out in my psyche that was making this so goddamn difficult? … Continue reading Stupid Human Psyche
How Does Everyone Live This Way?
And by 'live this way' I mean deal with human emotions all the time. Is there a way I can go back to being repressed? -sulks- This goes beyond the anger I have felt. I literally hate my husband. I wish he was dead. It's slowly sinking in that he deliberately tormented me with sleep … Continue reading How Does Everyone Live This Way?
Coasting
I'm really not doing too badly all things considered. Monday's anxiety was really high and I wasn't very productive, but I feel less than productive most days. I keep telling myself I'm doing amazing for someone that's been going on 3-5 hours of sleep a night as long as I have, let alone all the … Continue reading Coasting
The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
So, the ugly - I have oral thrush. -.- Something was wrong with my tongue and when I googled it the most likely culprit was oral thrush. Gross. Went to urgent care Friday morning and they confirmed my suspicion and set me up with a 10 day prescription and I hope to god it works, … Continue reading The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Choices
Tuesday I met with what would hopefully become my newly retained law firm. I was so nervous by the time I got there that I joked in the group chat with A & H that hopefully they wouldn't be too put out if I collapsed on their floor and became catatonic. The meeting didn't raise … Continue reading Choices
Surviving the Plague
The plague, in this case, being anxiety. H did end up messaging me back, confirming he would still be available for a trip to Newfields. By then, my anxiety had already spiked through the roof - thanks, anxiety - so while it helped it wasn't enough to restore me to former levels. I realized that … Continue reading Surviving the Plague
Anxiety, the Plague of My Existence
I've definitely made some headway with anxiety in the last year. Huge progress. But I'm still caught in that vicious loop of sleep deprivation worsening anxiety which in turn causes sleep deprivation. I really fucking hate anxiety. It's definitely been spiking again since my husband informed me that he filed. I mean, how could it … Continue reading Anxiety, the Plague of My Existence
Beaming
Yesterday there was a 2 hour school delay. This was awkward, because I was supposed to be leaving for an appointment at the recruitment agency and now my youngest wouldn't be getting on her bus until after the start time for my appointment. I had to tell my husband that I had an appointment and … Continue reading Beaming
The Limits of Crowd-Sourcing
I am now dealing with a divorce while seeking to reenter the work force. This had me pondering which was worse - telling the recruitment agency I'm in the middle of a divorce, or withholding that information until the point I'm in the middle of an assignment and asking for time off so I can … Continue reading The Limits of Crowd-Sourcing
On A Good Day 