The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

So, the ugly – I have oral thrush. -.- Something was wrong with my tongue and when I googled it the most likely culprit was oral thrush. Gross. Went to urgent care Friday morning and they confirmed my suspicion and set me up with a 10 day prescription and I hope to god it works, apparently oral thrush can be pretty hard to shake.

Stress and having to take antibiotics 3x in 3 months probably caused it.

I had to pay a copay for the visit which I knew would be dropping my account – already less than $100 – even lower. So I texted my husband asking if he wanted to deposit funds to the account, or if he wanted to start driving my car to the gas station to fill it up and take a list of grocery items I needed to the store with him.

Predictably, the asshole refused to do either, saying that the pantry was always stocked and that we could discuss it further in mediation. He really doubled down on trying to use access to funds to leverage control over the mediation process. I pointed out that my funds wouldn’t last until the earliest date that had been available, but he wanted to force me to select a date. (The first time the mediator emailed us with her availability, the earliest we could schedule would have been March 16th, nearly a month away.)

For my own amusement, I asked him if he was saying he’d deposit funds as long as I selected a date and he responded that we could discuss that after a date had been selected. It was grimly humorous to me that he honestly expected me to select a mediation date when he wouldn’t even promise that he’d give me funds if I did.

But after the amusement, I discovered that I was angry, angrier than I’ve been in a very long time. So angry it felt like I might spontaneously combust. Not because I was actually in dire straights – I was going to have the assignment Saturday and get paid for that the following Friday, and I still have cash stashed that he doesn’t know about. I was just so fucking furious at his attempts to control me and the sheer, colossal gall of his vindictive nature.

I then received a notification later that afternoon, near 5 in the evening, that he’d emailed the mediator asking to know her current availability. She no longer had anything available earlier than April 20th, with most of her availability now being in May.

I could not stop smiling. If there is one thing my husband HATES it is having his plans thwarted. When he wants to get something done, he practically throws a hissy fit if it gets delayed or stopped. He’s made up his mind to get the divorce knocked out as quickly as possible and… it’s not happening. So I was pretty sure he must have just about had an aneurysm when he saw there was nothing earlier than April 20th left. That’s going to be over 2 months past when he filed.

The earliest you can get a final hearing after filing is 60 days. However, in our county, mediation is required – so now he can’t get mediation handled before the 60 day mark.

The kids were home so there was nothing he could do or say in person. He put on his mask of civility and friendliness and I have to admit he’s pretty good at it. Seems perfectly sincere and unbothered.

The kids wanted me to watch the new episode of the Star Wars: the Clone Wars cartoon, and I sucked it up and went and and hung out watching TV for a couple of hours in the master suite, just trying to ignore my husband’s presence and avoid giving him any chance at eye contact.

Saturday I was able to get up, get dressed and get out of the house before my husband left his bedroom. The kids wanted to know where I was going but I didn’t specify – I didn’t want it getting mentioned to my husband. Let him think what he wants to about me being gone for the day.

The job wasn’t difficult. It was at a call center and what they needed was for the equipment at certain stations to be moved to other stations and reconnected. When that was done we unboxed a whole bunch of monitors and set them out in another section. The day passed fairly pleasantly. There was a minor hiccup when I left the building at the end of the afternoon only to discover I’d left something inside. Security was gone and I had to wait 10-15 minutes for the guy that had been supervising us to leave, so that he could let me back inside to get my stuff.

And that’s the good – earning my first paycheck since 2004. True, it’s just one day’s worth of work – but it’s a tiny step towards independence!

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