Yesterday there was a 2 hour school delay. This was awkward, because I was supposed to be leaving for an appointment at the recruitment agency and now my youngest wouldn’t be getting on her bus until after the start time for my appointment. I had to tell my husband that I had an appointment and ask him if he could stay home a little longer in order to be the one to walk her to the bus. I didn’t say where my appointment would be but luckily he agreed.

I felt flustered when I got there but went through the process of putting the information they needed into the computer, then sat down with the recruitment agent. I ended up telling her about the impending divorce, and I don’t think it hurt me or prejudiced her against me. She was, instead, sympathetic. She’s young and it’s only been about 5 years since her mother went through a divorce, during which her dad drained their accounts, too. She mentioned they didn’t have to use my account for payment, they could set me up with a global cash card instead.

I mentioned that I didn’t mind getting my hands dirty, so if they had temporary assignments that I could do, physically, I would. (These assignments are short, maybe just a couple of days or a week.) At least that way I’d have some kind of increase in cash.

Afterward I went home, thankful that my husband was out of the house. I ate some food, chatted with A & H, then realized I was losing the time I needed to be able to call lawyers before the kids and my husband arrived home. The first one I called was a long shot – I was pretty sure she’d be too pricey, and she was. The second one I called was one of my top choices after the vetting I’d done via google on Wednesday. Her paralegal answered the phone, and wanted to get me on the phone with the lawyer right away, as she had a little time – I didn’t have much time left before the kids got home, but agreed I could at least do the intake paperwork over the phone.

That didn’t take long, so I had a little time to speak to the lawyer after all, and was shocked to find out that when she heard the circumstances of my case, she was willing to give me her lowest retainer rate – $900 (normal, lower end retainers seem to start out at $1500) and then she could arrange to put me on a payment plan. She was going out of town for the weekend early Friday afternoon, so I scheduled an appointment for Tuesday.

I’ll either meet H before Tuesday and get the amount in cash, or we’ll find out if they can text him Tuesday and have him respond with his payment information. (He’ll be at work and can’t guarantee he can receive or make a phone call at the time.)

After telling A & H what had happened and discussing preliminary plans for how to handle the payment, I realized I was feeling… giddy. I felt like screaming – which isn’t unusual for me, I feel like screaming a lot of the time. What was unusual was that I felt like screaming for joy.

I couldn’t stop smiling. I couldn’t stop the happiness from trying to shine out of my face. After my husband got home I stayed in my tiny bedroom so he wouldn’t catch my facial expressions and wonder what was up.

My D&D game was canceled but I hated the idea of spending the evening at home with my husband, especially while I was in the best mood I’d been in for a long while, so I – lied. Acted like I still had my D&D game and left for the library, where I could grin as much as I wanted without having to worry about the response. I played Dragon Age: Origin until close to closing time, then moved to my local Starbucks – which it turns out only stayed open until 9:30 because, suburbs, so then I moved to McDonald’s and remained there until it would be around the time I normally returned home on Thursdays.

I had to laugh at myself. Going through a divorce, dealing with an asshole husband, and I’m such a goody-two-shoes that when I finally do something “bad” it’s lying and sneaking out of the house to hang out at the library.

This morning I logged into my bank account and downloaded 2 years of bank statements to send to my lawyer’s office, as requested. When my husband first took our money from the account, I had the vague idea he’d taken around 9k, but I didn’t have the heart to actually go look at the totals. This time I loaded the statement and looked and found out he’d taken 15.5k, 14.5k of which was in our savings.

This motherfucker. He insisted on buying me a new car, not a used car. Said he’d pay it off early because it was important that the mother of his children be able to work and be independent. In addition to that 15.5k, he’s got a credit card with a 15k limit, and we are due a tax return. But the car is only 1/3 paid off and he wants me to take over payments – because clearly someone that’s only going to be pulling in 20-30k annually and paying child support can afford a $330 car payment as well.

Damn him. I love my car. I named it Red. We work well together. It’s the first new car I’ve had in my whole life and it has a bluetooth, which is so handy. I don’t want to have to give it up, but in all likelihood I’m going to have to accept the van and have my husband take the car. The van is NOT fun to drive. I suppose this seems like such a shallow thing to care about at this point, but driving my little car is one of the things that has brought me some happiness and it feels really hard to have to give up one of the only things contributing happiness, on top of everything else.

But I’m not going to dwell on that. I am, instead, going to pump the good feels as long as I can – I’m finally going to have legal representation!

9 thoughts on “Beaming

    1. It’s going well! I got a special deal – all the DLC for Origins – so right now I’m technically doing extra content and haven’t progressed very far in the main quests, but I’m having fun and adjusting to the combat style.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m enjoying it but it’s definitely a very different style of gaming than I’m used to. Most of my gaming experience has been MMORPGs + the Diablo games from Blizzard. I haven’t done much console gaming at all – No Man’s Sky on Playstation is the majority of my adult experience with consoles.


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