I don't know why but I like Indiana better because it's kind of terrible and sad but in a really pathetic, rather than grandiose, way. (I think it's because I feel like Indiana has no room to judge me. Kind of like how if I show up to Walmart in a sweaty tank top with … Continue reading Indiana Needs A Hug
This Problem Can’t Be Fixed (So I Won’t Even Try)
My husband and I had another conversation yesterday, surprisingly this one was more stressful in impact for him than for me. He claimed the reason he made a separate account to transfer funds to was because I'd asked him about having his name removed from our joint account (which was my account originally.) This is … Continue reading This Problem Can’t Be Fixed (So I Won’t Even Try)
Three Dreams
No less than three dreams last night, which was very surprising because I kept overheating, waking up, throwing off the blanket, then getting cold, waking up again and having to retrieve the blanket. Anyway, the first was a chilling horror themed dream with a vampire. I started the dream as a woman being interviewed to … Continue reading Three Dreams
Investigating My Possibilities
Yesterday, after feeling the urgency and precariousness of my situation more strongly, I started investigating what kind of employment opportunities were available in my new town. It confirmed my concerns - I'm unqualified for most jobs due to lack of education, lack of experience, or lack of the necessary stamina & strength. I realized I … Continue reading Investigating My Possibilities
Labor
My husband moved most of our funds to his new account. He's generously leaving me 1k to 'do what I want with.' I haven't had the heart to ask him, yet, if he's expecting me to use it to pay for a work wardrobe, gas and whatever other expenses I have this year, or if … Continue reading Labor
Small Victories
I didn't end up crushed yesterday. I didn't end up with another sleepless night. I came home feeling like I might shatter, but I held myself together. I kept conversation with my husband short instead of letting myself be pulled into his flow charts and placed in a position of having to be the one … Continue reading Small Victories
I Deserve To Be Able To Save Myself
It's better to put my kids through a divorce than a suicide. I didn't think I'd have to be telling myself this today. My husband wanted the kids to see a therapist. His work offers a certain number of free sessions per person, and he thought we should normalize it for the kids - treat … Continue reading I Deserve To Be Able To Save Myself
Freedom, of a Sort, Grudgingly Granted
I had initially been excited about getting my car, but that was before yet another DTR conversation I had for my husband, in which he revealed how much he struggled with going through with buying me a car. We haven't had two vehicles very often. Sometimes early in our relationship we didn't even have one … Continue reading Freedom, of a Sort, Grudgingly Granted
A Few Observations After Moving
Something I miss about the suburbs of Chicago - street lights on the corner, so that even if you're behind a large truck, you can still see if the light has changed. I think I'll miss the sound of the trains, too. In spite of the fact that my brain tainted them with association with … Continue reading A Few Observations After Moving
New Ground to Tread
I've been taking walks in the morning since arriving here, since getting walks in the evening has proved more difficult. I'd prefer to prioritize a walk before bed to help me sleep more soundly, but there's definitely a charm to walking in the morning. One of the things I've liked about moving north is the … Continue reading New Ground to Tread
On A Good Day 