Yesterday, after feeling the urgency and precariousness of my situation more strongly, I started investigating what kind of employment opportunities were available in my new town.
It confirmed my concerns – I’m unqualified for most jobs due to lack of education, lack of experience, or lack of the necessary stamina & strength. I realized I couldn’t even fall back on something like janitorial service, which requires more physical stamina than I have. (It’s not glamorous but I don’t mind cleaning that much when I’m being paid for it.)
Sales are out. I’d rather be homeless, and that’s not hyperbole. There are few things that stress me out as quickly and shoot my anxiety levels through the roof, including all the fun physical manifestations that go with that. Too many customer service jobs these days require sales as part of the job, and I can’t put myself through something high stress if I can possibly avoid it – all of the changes I’m making are intended to bring my life to a place where I’m not constantly stressed and tense and anxious.
As an example: this morning when I went for a walk I concentrated on my posture – shoulders squared, chin up, hands loose – and realized I was simply transferring the tension from my hands to my face, because I was scowling. I then had to add concentrating on keeping my expression neutral to the list. My default state is being tense and anxious.
Starbucks came up on the list, and they required neither prior experience nor education. The pay isn’t great, but I did some calculations, and if I get full time employment with average pay for a Starbucks, I could support myself here, thanks to Indiana’s low cost of living. They also offer health benefits, something that had concerned me to lose. After a year here, I’ll qualify for in state tuition rates, and with the kind of pay I’m capable of pulling in, should qualify for the Pell Grant, too – which means I might actually be able to afford to go back to school.
So, at least I have something to aim for now. If I can manage to get employed fairly quickly, I can start saving the wages I make this year. My position isn’t nearly as bad as it could be. I just have to push through the wall of anxiety and get this done.