Update: Interpersonal “Fun”

I went to my first meet-up today. When I got home I found that my husband was in a very bad mood. I’ll admit, I’m not innocent on that one. I was so upset with how he’d acted yesterday that I told him where I was going, when, for what, and sent him a selfie when I got there to prove I was telling the truth.

He wants to keep fixating on my sexuality and acting paranoid and insecure? He wants to continue making sex the most important aspect of our relationship, even when we’re no longer having it and going to get divorced? He thinks I’m chomping at the bit to get out there and start hoing it up? FINE. Have documentation of my activities, bud. It wasn’t the wisest move on my part.

The documentation pissed him off. He ‘neither wanted nor needed’ it. And he was so mad at me being passive-aggressive (presumably because he’s cornered the market on that and how dare I butt in and try to take up real estate?) that he literally tried to order me out of the house.

I told him we should get a mediator. He refused. I said we should continue our discussion in writing, since it seemed apparent we were having some issues with communication. He said no. Repeated that he wanted me to leave. Pointing at the door and ordering me to leave.

I told him no. Told him that I was on the lease, legally allowed to live here, and that he’d need a court order to have me removed. That made him so mad he threatened to immediately tell the kids we were getting divorced… but that gave me an opening. I jumped in to remind him that we were trying not to ruin their birthdays and the major holidays. Told him that was his choice, that he had my cooperation until after the holidays, even if I didn’t like it.

He exploded that all of this was my choice.

I then moved to demand to know what I had done. I’d never broken our agreement. I never said I intended to break it. I’d never done anything wrong. So why was he doing this? What had changed? Why was he suddenly wanting me out of the house and demanding I agree to something I had already agreed to?

He started talking about how at the close of the conversation I’d only agreed to keep the agreement through the end of October. And I pointed out that was because he’d brought up trying to move me out of the house, something I hadn’t planned on that would put me in a vulnerable position. He then used that as leverage to try and get me to do what he wanted. That it was triggering to me with my background that he was trying to leverage housing to control my sexuality. How did he think the conversation was going to go?

He got mad and said he wasn’t trying to leverage anything.

I pressed him again – what had I done? How had I broken the agreement? Why was he doing this? He started getting an expression on his face like he was thinking that over.

Come to find out, all of this was based on him once again being paranoid, insecure, and claiming things had been said in conversations that were never said. Again.

He thought because I wanted to give the kids extra time to adjust to the fact that we’d be living separately by next summer, that I wanted the official divorce early – something I’d never asked for. He also assumed if I was asking for an earlier divorce, something must have changed that I wasn’t telling him about.

But he totally trusts me, and how dare I assume he doesn’t?

So. We’re back where we were, with the addition that I want to yeet the man that will someday be my ex into the sun. Also, I’m increasingly relieved and glad that he will be my ex.