Went to Target today so my husband and I could shop for a few things we needed. One of the things I needed was a set of basic cosmetics so I can work on learning how to apply make-up properly for interviews / work. I had a basic list of what friends had recommended to … Continue reading I Do Not Love Being A Girl
Month: July 2019
Dreams: The Good Place, Chris Pratt, and an Abandoned Baby
I had two dreams last night, both of which I can remember some of. (Potential spoilers for The Good Place if you have not yet got around to watching that excellent show.) In the first, I was Eleanor, trying to save Chidi from Michael and the denizens of the Bad Place, but there were a … Continue reading Dreams: The Good Place, Chris Pratt, and an Abandoned Baby
An Epiphany About My Parenting
I was thinking about how my husband had accused me of isolating myself from him and the children a few months back. He wasn't entirely incorrect - I was withdrawing and holding space for myself instead of spending all my available time with them. I'd been withdrawn for a while, though, especially during the two … Continue reading An Epiphany About My Parenting
Indiana Needs A Hug
I don't know why but I like Indiana better because it's kind of terrible and sad but in a really pathetic, rather than grandiose, way. (I think it's because I feel like Indiana has no room to judge me. Kind of like how if I show up to Walmart in a sweaty tank top with … Continue reading Indiana Needs A Hug
This Problem Can’t Be Fixed (So I Won’t Even Try)
My husband and I had another conversation yesterday, surprisingly this one was more stressful in impact for him than for me. He claimed the reason he made a separate account to transfer funds to was because I'd asked him about having his name removed from our joint account (which was my account originally.) This is … Continue reading This Problem Can’t Be Fixed (So I Won’t Even Try)
Three Dreams
No less than three dreams last night, which was very surprising because I kept overheating, waking up, throwing off the blanket, then getting cold, waking up again and having to retrieve the blanket. Anyway, the first was a chilling horror themed dream with a vampire. I started the dream as a woman being interviewed to … Continue reading Three Dreams
Investigating My Possibilities
Yesterday, after feeling the urgency and precariousness of my situation more strongly, I started investigating what kind of employment opportunities were available in my new town. It confirmed my concerns - I'm unqualified for most jobs due to lack of education, lack of experience, or lack of the necessary stamina & strength. I realized I … Continue reading Investigating My Possibilities
Labor
My husband moved most of our funds to his new account. He's generously leaving me 1k to 'do what I want with.' I haven't had the heart to ask him, yet, if he's expecting me to use it to pay for a work wardrobe, gas and whatever other expenses I have this year, or if … Continue reading Labor
Small Victories
I didn't end up crushed yesterday. I didn't end up with another sleepless night. I came home feeling like I might shatter, but I held myself together. I kept conversation with my husband short instead of letting myself be pulled into his flow charts and placed in a position of having to be the one … Continue reading Small Victories
I Deserve To Be Able To Save Myself
It's better to put my kids through a divorce than a suicide. I didn't think I'd have to be telling myself this today. My husband wanted the kids to see a therapist. His work offers a certain number of free sessions per person, and he thought we should normalize it for the kids - treat … Continue reading I Deserve To Be Able To Save Myself
On A Good Day 