The Agony of Limbo

I'm only just embarking on the 4th day of this week and already it feels like the longest and roughest week I've had in a while - er, several weeks? A couple of months? I don't know if that's actually the case or not, time feels a little wonky while stuck in Limbo. I'm pretty … Continue reading The Agony of Limbo →

The Effects of Distress

I had to deal with another mental health crisis today. It went from me crying and clutching a wad of snotty tissues on a riverbank to selecting a road to drive on just to drive, to finally having to pull over about an hour away from home and majorly embarrass myself for a 2nd time … Continue reading The Effects of Distress →

Uncomfortable Complication

Had a conversation with H today. I wanted to give him a heads up about what happened with my husband, just in case things go majorly south for me in the next few months. Specifically, the incident where my husband claimed we had a conversation where I asked about having his name removed from our … Continue reading Uncomfortable Complication →

Sleepless Again

I noticed at 9:54 that my husband was putting on another episode of TV for the boys. I said that would go past 10, and my husband said it would only be 20 minutes past. I expressed that I would prefer not to go 20 minutes past, and pointed out they could move to the … Continue reading Sleepless Again →

I Am Not Going To Blow Up My Life, I Am Not Going To Blow Up My Life…

At the moment I'm having to remind myself of just how badly I could screw myself over if I tell my husband I'm now 100% certain I want a divorce and want to file as soon as legally allowed - 5 months from now. I know part of this is the sleep deprivation talking. We … Continue reading I Am Not Going To Blow Up My Life, I Am Not Going To Blow Up My Life… →

Continued Sleep Deprivation

My sleep has only improved a small amount. I have a theory that constant levels of stress and anxiety are interfering, even if the stress and anxiety have been reduced somewhat. I have trouble falling asleep before midnight, and trouble staying asleep past my first and so far only REM cycle per night. I'm fairly … Continue reading Continued Sleep Deprivation →

Living With Tension

I may be seeing progress on building emotional boundaries between myself and my husband. In spite of the fact that he's clearly been having a rough time, he did arrange for a visit with a new therapist, and went on Saturday morning, and we have not yet fallen into another lengthy and exhausting conversation in … Continue reading Living With Tension →

Up And Down And All Around

I'm really hating the ups and downs of my life, especially when I'm trying to do my best to be careful and avoid the downs and get that thrown in my face. Another conversation with my husband, in which he first expressed - again - his frustration that we weren't doing something to fix things. … Continue reading Up And Down And All Around →

I Need Two Halves Of A Coconut

I'd really like something cheerful to write. Being relentlessly down has the effect of making people want to back away slowly, lest the intensity of your misery rub off on them. I can't blame anyone for that. There have been times when I, too, have wanted to back away slowly because of the intensity of … Continue reading I Need Two Halves Of A Coconut →

Stress

Yesterday was a horrendous day, though not a dangerous day, thankfully. It started out well enough. Even though my period had started I'd gotten a bit of sleep and actually felt focused and inspired enough to work on my project again, after weeks of having to neglect it. That didn't last long, though. By mid-morning … Continue reading Stress →