Uncomfortable Complication

Had a conversation with H today. I wanted to give him a heads up about what happened with my husband, just in case things go majorly south for me in the next few months. Specifically, the incident where my husband claimed we had a conversation where I asked about having his name removed from our joint account – a conversation that never happened, and never would have happened.

I realized, going over it, that my husband had absolutely nothing to gain by deliberately lying about a conversation that never happened, especially with no witnesses around to influence. If he were trying to set me up for something, he wouldn’t tip his hand that way. That means the most likely explanation is that it was a mental health episode.

H concurred with my assessment.

This is the answer I dreaded.

I can’t reassure myself that I’m most likely safe if I can’t predict his future behavior, or be fairly certain of future actions based on past behavior. I have no idea if another episode can occur and if so, what he might believe has happened or been said. He’s made it clear that he wouldn’t go after me or do anything to me unless he thought I was a bad person doing bad things… But what if he has an episode and comes away from it convinced I’m a bad person?

There’s nothing I can do about it, either. I don’t have a safe way to withdraw. I just have to keep doing what I was doing – work on rebuilding my life with a focus on sleep, mental health, and employment. Hope for the best.

On a less stressful note, here’s a pretty picture of my dad’s magenta morning glories.

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