Emotional Roller Coaster

Every other Saturday night my husband and I have a social engagement involving fellow nerds and gaming, that takes place in an old brick church. Last night instead of socializing I took my laptop and sat by one of the open windows, listening to music. A cool breeze blew in through the window, and the … Continue reading Emotional Roller Coaster →

Sharp Edges

During my conversation with my sister J yesterday she said, with forlorn frustration, that I'd changed, that it felt like the AJ she knew was gone, and that she'd lost her best friend in the last few years. That I was rewriting the past. I know that the person she knew back then was extremely … Continue reading Sharp Edges →

Judgment

I'd confided to A that I was expecting people wouldn't understand, and would judge me, for giving up an 18 year marriage when there was no infidelity or abuse. Especially when it will involve giving primary custody to my husband instead of claiming that for myself. People won't see it as me making the best … Continue reading Judgment →

Coming Undone

"Until we move and discuss, or you - arrive at an answer, I can't," my husband said. He'd come home for lunch and was about to leave, and I'd attempted to hug him. Apparently if he can't have connection and intimacy at the exact minimum level he believes the relationship should have, he'll have none … Continue reading Coming Undone →

Past, Present, Future?

I've been chronically sleep deprived and stressed for 16 years. Eventually, I developed a debilitating amount of anxiety, too. My health - mental and physical - was shot. I realized I couldn't go on this way. Either things had to change in a major way, or I'd have to remove myself from the environment that … Continue reading Past, Present, Future? →

Catch-22

I didn't want my therapist to agree with me that my situation was a catch-22. I wanted her to spot something I'd missed. But she didn't. My husband's toxic habits along with the timing of his major life decisions are the reason I'm a wreck. He's the biggest source of stress in my life. --- … Continue reading Catch-22 →