I’d really like something cheerful to write.
Being relentlessly down has the effect of making people want to back away slowly, lest the intensity of your misery rub off on them.
I can’t blame anyone for that. There have been times when I, too, have wanted to back away slowly because of the intensity of someone’s misery and the feeling that I had nothing to offer them that could help, and was myself beginning to vibrate on their frequency.
When I started this blog, I had been feeling genuinely hopeful at the time and expected I’d be writing about a lot of things that interested me, rather than the majority of my posts being ones spent staring deeply into my own navel.
The holy grail of SLEEP is still there, still beckoning. I’m concerned about whether or not, even with separate beds, I’ll be able to get proper rest with my husband and I sharing the same room. Last night his breathing strip popped off on one side and the resulting sounds made sleep difficult.
I’m pretty sure I’d at least had a proper REM cycle before he came to bed, and even one proper REM cycle is infinitely better than no proper REM cycle. If I recall correctly, though, I should be getting 2-3 (each cycle taking approximately 3-4 hours to complete.)
I suppose it might seem like I’m getting a little obsessed with this sleep issue, but it’s just so foundational for healing. If I don’t start at the foundation, I can’t expect solid, lasting, structurally sound results.
Any of the other things I could try to help alleviate my symptoms simply can’t be as effective without good rest as the base.
Separate beds should help, at least, even if it’s not as far as I need to go. I won’t be woken up by someone else tossing and turning next to me, or by someone reaching out and touching me, or by having my blanket or sheet stolen, or by sweating because of the increased heat of another person’s body next to mine.
The more interruptions that can be removed, the better my chance of complete REM cycles, the better chance my body has of beginning to repair the damage years of stress, depression and anxiety have done.
The more I read about how sleep helps our bodies, and how sleep deprivation damages them, the more I wonder why this isn’t something doctors bring up during a yearly physical. I could swear I get asked about diet and exercise, but sleep? I can’t remember that ever getting discussed, and I had no idea how bad the effects of missed sleep could be until the last year.
Would focusing on sleep sooner have fixed all the other problems causing stress, anxiety and depression? No, but it could have helped give me clarity and focus and the capacity to counter those symptoms more effectively.
At this point in my journey for my holy grail I’m pretty sure I’ve been King Arthur, Brave Sir Robin, and The Black Knight by turns. If I get a literal cow thrown at my head some time in the next 10 days, I’m not sure I’d be surprised.