I Need Two Halves Of A Coconut

I’d really like something cheerful to write.

Being relentlessly down has the effect of making people want to back away slowly, lest the intensity of your misery rub off on them.

I can’t blame anyone for that. There have been times when I, too, have wanted to back away slowly because of the intensity of someone’s misery and the feeling that I had nothing to offer them that could help, and was myself beginning to vibrate on their frequency.

When I started this blog, I had been feeling genuinely hopeful at the time and expected I’d be writing about a lot of things that interested me, rather than the majority of my posts being ones spent staring deeply into my own navel.

The holy grail of SLEEP is still there, still beckoning. I’m concerned about whether or not, even with separate beds, I’ll be able to get proper rest with my husband and I sharing the same room. Last night his breathing strip popped off on one side and the resulting sounds made sleep difficult.

I’m pretty sure I’d at least had a proper REM cycle before he came to bed, and even one proper REM cycle is infinitely better than no proper REM cycle. If I recall correctly, though, I should be getting 2-3 (each cycle taking approximately 3-4 hours to complete.)

I suppose it might seem like I’m getting a little obsessed with this sleep issue, but it’s just so foundational for healing. If I don’t start at the foundation, I can’t expect solid, lasting, structurally sound results.

Any of the other things I could try to help alleviate my symptoms simply can’t be as effective without good rest as the base.

Separate beds should help, at least, even if it’s not as far as I need to go. I won’t be woken up by someone else tossing and turning next to me, or by someone reaching out and touching me, or by having my blanket or sheet stolen, or by sweating because of the increased heat of another person’s body next to mine.

The more interruptions that can be removed, the better my chance of complete REM cycles, the better chance my body has of beginning to repair the damage years of stress, depression and anxiety have done.

The more I read about how sleep helps our bodies, and how sleep deprivation damages them, the more I wonder why this isn’t something doctors bring up during a yearly physical. I could swear I get asked about diet and exercise, but sleep? I can’t remember that ever getting discussed, and I had no idea how bad the effects of missed sleep could be until the last year.

Would focusing on sleep sooner have fixed all the other problems causing stress, anxiety and depression? No, but it could have helped give me clarity and focus and the capacity to counter those symptoms more effectively.

At this point in my journey for my holy grail I’m pretty sure I’ve been King Arthur, Brave Sir Robin, and The Black Knight by turns. If I get a literal cow thrown at my head some time in the next 10 days, I’m not sure I’d be surprised.

5 thoughts on “I Need Two Halves Of A Coconut

  1. Sorry you’re still snatching at sleep, it’s one of those rubbish things where there are internal reasons for insomnia and external, and it’s so hard to banish both. I notice how important sleep is when I’m recovering from muscle stuff, I tend to get such a marked difference in healing overnight. If there’s anyway to get a bit of sleep in another room, even just to try and recoup some of your losses that might help?
    And screw being cheerful when your life is tough, people should be able to empathise – fake cheeriness isn’t something you should have to expend energy on!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Unfortunately the only other option right at this moment is the futon which isn’t comfortable and will end up leading to poor sleep, too! Napping is out for me, too – even when dead tired, I can’t seem to stay asleep for more than 30-45 minutes at most. Anxiety and stress are a vicious circle – not sleeping makes them more likely to happen, and when they happen, they make sleeping less likely to happen.

      If the changes after moving aren’t enough, I’ll have to explore what else can be done, but I prefer to at least try this way before seeking some kind of medical intervention.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Know what you mean about napping, always makes me wake up feeling so much worse than before. I’ll keep my fingers crossed about the move 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I completely understand how sleep is so important and yet so underrated. I often sleep on my couch, (much to my wife’s dismay) because she mumbles in her sleep, tosses, and turns, or makes whining noises about whatever she’s dreaming. I’ll often wake her up and ask her if something is wrong, and half the time she says it’s nothing, or that she’s dreaming and it’s just annoying. At the beginning of our marriage, I’d also wake up to her staring or wanting touch my face since “I look like an angel” when I sleep apparently. I got chewed because I asked not to be touched in the face. 3 years later and now I have my routine of watching TV, falling asleep, and waking up around 3 to slink back to bed, but so tired and groggy that nothing can wake me up. I hope you encounter GOOD sleep soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, I hope I do, too.

      Sleep is a fundamental need, and too few people realize that. Hopefully the more it gets talked about, the more everyone – health care professionals and the average person in a marriage – will realize the need to make sure everyone is getting rest.

      Liked by 1 person

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