Yesterday I woke up with the beginnings of a tension headache and my chest hurting. I was anxious about how the monthly conversation with my husband would go. He wanted to get to it right away after our youngest daughter had left for school. He said he didn't really have anything to talk about, but … Continue reading The End of the Month Conversation
Month: November 2019
Midnight Drive
Back in Indiana for three nights, and then I turn around and head back to Tennessee with my husband and kids for my family's Thanksgiving. This is going to be Hell Week for me. My husband is either working from home or off work until the Monday after Thanksgiving. My anxiety is already spiking and … Continue reading Midnight Drive
Improvement
Apparently I need to look into treating future bouts of depression with terror, because after having that nightmare which had been so terrifying to experience that I couldn't fall back to sleep afterward... stopped the really terrible bout of severe depression I'd been having. M suggested I try watching horror movies, but as I explained … Continue reading Improvement
After Dark
The party of fellow travelers was gone. We knew they'd been set upon by the shadow creatures last night and the survivors of the initial attack had been chased from the river to here, where they made their last stand. There had been clubs by the river, lying on the ground, the only sign that … Continue reading After Dark
Chewed Gum
Yesterday I sat on the little stone landing outside my dad's front door. The sun was out and I wanted to feel some warmth and do something healthy for myself. I brought my phone & headphones with me and listened to music and periodically cried. Sometimes a thought would come to me that I'd feel … Continue reading Chewed Gum
Tennessee Again
My dad's best friend died last week. He was discovered in his apartment during a well check, having apparently passed from either a sudden heart attack or stroke. My dad and another friend had asked for a wellness check after they'd been unable to reach him for several days. My dad had known G longer … Continue reading Tennessee Again
Preparing to Take Another Step
Tuesday night / Wednesday morning were another rough stretch emotionally. I probably clocked in at less than 4 hours of sleep and when I woke up, was feeling so terrible and so lonely and isolated that I didn't know what to do with myself. I was even considering seeking out an animal shelter to volunteer … Continue reading Preparing to Take Another Step
Human, Probably
It was a rough few days. I was definitely not in a good place mentally. Yesterday afternoon I received a response from the director of the electrician's apprenticeship program and he said there was no way to grant an exception for the high school transcripts - it's either that, or a 2 year degree. At … Continue reading Human, Probably
Schrodinger’s Loneliness
I need to not be alone today but I also need to be alone. I'm constantly on the verge of crying and the only people around are my husband and kids and I don't want them to see anything amiss and ask me about it. Writing doesn't seem to be helping me cope as much … Continue reading Schrodinger’s Loneliness
Venting
I try not to waste anger on my mom and the choices she made about how she raised me and educated me. Right now, though, it's a little difficult not to feel hurt, sad and angry. I worked up the courage to place a phone call to the Electrical Training Institute to clarify their application … Continue reading Venting
On A Good Day 