I knew Indy M's support for my plan to ask H out on a date was spurred in part by her particular moral biases and beliefs about relationships. She falls in the camp of believing that when men and women are friends, it's nigh inevitable that someone catches feels. I think on some level, whether … Continue reading Denial Of Expectations
Tag: love
Learning to Hope
Thursday I went to see my therapist. I knew he wanted to talk about the nightmare that had caused me so many issues over the beginning of the week - I think he also wanted to see if I had reason to believe I was in any real danger from my husband. Any time people … Continue reading Learning to Hope
What Are The Odds?
I was thinking tonight how if I still believed in some kind of spiritual existence I'd have to assume that either H and I were meant to be together, OR the universe really has it in for him and wants to give him drama whether he will or no. We "met" online in 2012ish. I'd … Continue reading What Are The Odds?
Resolute
I can do this. I can do hard things. I've made a life-long practice of doing hard things and being courageous. I'm having to give myself this pep-talk because I'm currently in something of a triggered state. Here's the background for that. I was thinking about the whole situation with H and how these random … Continue reading Resolute
A Rant About Boredom And Love
I'm just unfocused and bored enough that I can't focus on ways to alleviate the boredom. I'm at the level of existential boredom where I finally joined reddit last night, spent the evening browsing and occasionally commenting on things, and am now already bored with reddit. So now I'm here, hoping writing on my blog … Continue reading A Rant About Boredom And Love
Fundamentally Flawed
(In which I explain myself to judgmental critics that may or may not exist in reality but definitely exist in my own head.) Think of one of your friends that you quite like, but that you have no romantic feelings for, and that you are not sexually attracted to. Now imagine you marry that friend. … Continue reading Fundamentally Flawed
The Importance of Friendship, Part 2
After writing part one this morning, I decided I'd just talk to A and let her know what had happened, and what her friendship meant to me, and hope for the best. I've never been in this situation before, but we've been friends for years, and presumably she'd get over any irritation she felt. She's … Continue reading The Importance of Friendship, Part 2
The Importance of Friendship
Another night largely lost to anxiety. This time due to my brain chewing on itself over the subject of friendship, and falling in love. Ultimately, my friends matter more to me than love. I couldn't picture myself as one of those people that would give up their friends in order to be with someone. If … Continue reading The Importance of Friendship
Morbid Curiosity Leads to Anger
I distract myself by browsing a lot of blogs. Some I click on out of morbid curiosity, especially if they appear to be written by conservative Christians. Most of the time, I'm grimly amused at the way they think and write, glad I've left that world behind me. Today, though, I stumbled across a blog … Continue reading Morbid Curiosity Leads to Anger
‘Love Is All You Need’ Is A Lie
Who knows, maybe at some point I would have wanted the marriage, children and a nest thing - if I'd been given time to arrive there instead of being pressured to accept it while it was very much not what I wanted or needed. 'Love is all you need' is a lie, a bald-faced, utter … Continue reading ‘Love Is All You Need’ Is A Lie
On A Good Day 