The Effects of Distress

I had to deal with another mental health crisis today. It went from me crying and clutching a wad of snotty tissues on a riverbank to selecting a road to drive on just to drive, to finally having to pull over about an hour away from home and majorly embarrass myself for a 2nd time … Continue reading The Effects of Distress →

Silver Lining

The silver lining of repressing and compartmentalizing your emotions since childhood is that sometimes the ability to set aside your emotions is actually a useful tool. I felt a twinge, last night, seeing the signs of emotional distress on my husband's face, but I wasn't going to allow that moment of empathy to become a … Continue reading Silver Lining →

I Held The Line

My husband decided he couldn't wait for the end of the month before bringing up another emotionally fraught conversation, and I held my boundaries and I called him out on his shit - repeatedly - until HE fled the conversation that he insisted on starting. Now he's wandering around the house looking like death, because … Continue reading I Held The Line →

Another Conversation

(This was written the morning of August 30th, before my trip to Tennessee, but I did not have time to finish and publish it then.) I just realized the trip I'm taking today - heading to Tennessee to see my sister J and my dad - will be the first time I've taken a trip … Continue reading Another Conversation →

Uncomfortable Complication

Had a conversation with H today. I wanted to give him a heads up about what happened with my husband, just in case things go majorly south for me in the next few months. Specifically, the incident where my husband claimed we had a conversation where I asked about having his name removed from our … Continue reading Uncomfortable Complication →

Sleepless Again

I noticed at 9:54 that my husband was putting on another episode of TV for the boys. I said that would go past 10, and my husband said it would only be 20 minutes past. I expressed that I would prefer not to go 20 minutes past, and pointed out they could move to the … Continue reading Sleepless Again →

Needs and Boundaries

My husband and I have been together for 18 years, married for 16. Over the course of our relationship I experienced stress related to circumstances outside of our control, which was understandable, as well as stress related to major decisions my husband made for us because I believed, at the time, that I was supposed … Continue reading Needs and Boundaries →

I’m Gonna Have To Add Barbwire To These Boundaries

Last night I made sure my husband knew any TV watching beyond 10pm had to be moved to the living room. He wrapped up a few minutes after 10 and sent the boys to bed, and I settled down to listen to music and hopefully sleep. He came over and affectionately squeezed my arm and … Continue reading I’m Gonna Have To Add Barbwire To These Boundaries →

I Am Not Going To Blow Up My Life, I Am Not Going To Blow Up My Life…

At the moment I'm having to remind myself of just how badly I could screw myself over if I tell my husband I'm now 100% certain I want a divorce and want to file as soon as legally allowed - 5 months from now. I know part of this is the sleep deprivation talking. We … Continue reading I Am Not Going To Blow Up My Life, I Am Not Going To Blow Up My Life… →

Looking Ahead

September is actually shaping up to be - enjoyable. Full of activities that will get me out of the house and make me feel like I'm actually doing something with my life. I'll be spending the first week in Tennessee with my dad. Afterwards I'll have several workshops and training sessions at the career center … Continue reading Looking Ahead →