Last night I made sure my husband knew any TV watching beyond 10pm had to be moved to the living room. He wrapped up a few minutes after 10 and sent the boys to bed, and I settled down to listen to music and hopefully sleep. He came over and affectionately squeezed my arm and I visibly tensed and moved the arm away from him.
“Okay fine, I won’t touch you,” he said, moving back over to his bed.
He then said something else, which I didn’t catch.
“Unless you can hear me and you’re just not responding,” he said.
As it happened, I had been silent because I couldn’t think of what or how to say it.
“You cost me an entire night’s sleep,” I snapped.
“Okay, if you think that’s a normal way to respond,” he huffed.
Normal? He thinks because I was calm and didn’t make a fuss the whole day while our kids were home from school that I was perfectly fine with him costing me a night’s sleep and should have just forgiven it and moved on? Maybe he thinks he’s the one that has something to forgive, given how twisted his perceptions of reality have been lately.
I told him I wasn’t discussing anything – not even my reaction – and that I was working on getting to sleep. Then I put on my noise canceling headphones and listened to Enya until I fell asleep.
Sleep is what started all of this. Sleep is why I had to put my foot down and give him the ultimatum that ultimately led to our relationship falling apart and put us on the path to divorce.
He’s still prioritizing his feelings and what he wants over one of my most basic needs, and then he thinks it’s not normal for me to tense up and respond poorly to his touch. Oh, buddy, you have no idea what’s normal. You got an incredibly calm response given the circumstances.