I have another 4 days off in a row. This will be followed by 4 days working. I’d rather the shifts were spread out a little more, though, as even just a 4 day stretch trapped in quarantine with my ex is mildly insanity inducing at best. Last night I was consoling myself that at least I could attempt sleeping in. I’ve had some mild success with going to sleep a little later and managing to get some decent and at least slightly longer than usual rest.
Instead, I woke up at 5:30am, thought about things I didn’t want to think about and had anxiety shoot straight into the fucking roof. I have not missed that. I made tea and put on my Dance With The Dead playlist and mindlessly browsed social media and tried rather unsuccessfully to write. Thankfully my coping attempts worked and the anxiety dropped.
At this point I’m switching from my roller coaster metaphor to describing 2020. Roller coasters at least have those fun, heart-in-your-throat moments. This seems more like… the very beginning of being executed via that method of getting tied to two horses and then pulled apart. Or perhaps being put in a cage to be hung on the gibbet.
One of these days I might start screaming and not be able to stop.
On A Good Day 
Those early hours are the worst for anxiety. Feelings at that time of day seem exaggerated, for me at least.
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That’s a good point, and I think there may even be a scientific explanation for it. Something I was reading in an article about circadian rhythms… maybe I can find the article again.
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