(In which I discuss my fear of the not-so-distant future and then tangent into hope for the more distant future.) Oh god this is really happening. My year in which I need to become independent and able to support myself begins tomorrow. For months now I've been telling myself just to focus on keeping depression … Continue reading Run Away, Run Away!
Tag: depression
Fluctuation
Anxiety and depression are a vicious circle. I woke up this morning feeling sad, and I can't wake up feeling sad without my brain immediately spiraling out into anxiety as well. Is this the beginning of the end? Does waking up sad this morning signal that I'll wake up sad the next 700 mornings too? … Continue reading Fluctuation
Yesterday I Made A List
I have to attempt to become enough of a functional adult within a year that I'll be able to become independent by the end of next year. No pressure. I wrote the following: Priorities: Sleep (regular, long enough, restful) Environment (uncluttered and clean enough) Social life (hobbies I enjoy where I can meet people and … Continue reading Yesterday I Made A List
Mostly Good Things
The difference between being in a bad headspace and a good headspace is night and day for me. Yesterday afternoon I updated A and H with what my therapist had said about not recommending hospitalization, and they were glad to hear it. I asked them to still periodically check on me until the 20th, just … Continue reading Mostly Good Things
Stress Relief
Today's therapy appointment provided relief. First, with a space where I could safely vent, express my fears, and let myself cry without worry. Secondly, in the fact that my therapist does not think I need hospitalization. She's worked in the programs that handle in hospital mental health stays, and did not believe one would be … Continue reading Stress Relief
I Need Two Halves Of A Coconut
I'd really like something cheerful to write. Being relentlessly down has the effect of making people want to back away slowly, lest the intensity of your misery rub off on them. I can't blame anyone for that. There have been times when I, too, have wanted to back away slowly because of the intensity of … Continue reading I Need Two Halves Of A Coconut
Stress
Yesterday was a horrendous day, though not a dangerous day, thankfully. It started out well enough. Even though my period had started I'd gotten a bit of sleep and actually felt focused and inspired enough to work on my project again, after weeks of having to neglect it. That didn't last long, though. By mid-morning … Continue reading Stress
The Waiting Game
I gave myself a paper cut while opening a box of donuts and I feel this says something about my life right now. Saturday's crisis had been made worse by the fact that my sense of humor went MIA. Usually I have the ability to see the funny alongside the bleak, and to poke fun … Continue reading The Waiting Game
Emotional Roller Coaster
Every other Saturday night my husband and I have a social engagement involving fellow nerds and gaming, that takes place in an old brick church. Last night instead of socializing I took my laptop and sat by one of the open windows, listening to music. A cool breeze blew in through the window, and the … Continue reading Emotional Roller Coaster
Sharp Edges
During my conversation with my sister J yesterday she said, with forlorn frustration, that I'd changed, that it felt like the AJ she knew was gone, and that she'd lost her best friend in the last few years. That I was rewriting the past. I know that the person she knew back then was extremely … Continue reading Sharp Edges
On A Good Day 