I've got a bit of a headache right now, which is clinging to me in spite of having taken a couple of ibuprofen earlier. Worth it. I'd brought up to my husband that I had a solution to our sleeping arrangements. Not a great solution, but a solution. The boys weren't using their walk in … Continue reading A Space Of My Own
Turning Things Around, Part 3
By the time I was on the road I was in emotional agony but also determined to do something about it. I got on I69, determined to go at least as far as Muncie, IN. I'd brought my laptop along, figuring if I needed to extend my break from home that I could stop at … Continue reading Turning Things Around, Part 3
Turning Things Around, Part 2
There were several factors that went into bringing me to a point of crisis, again. First and foremost, sleep deprivation. 3 hours of sleep twice in 3 nights is not a good state of affairs when someone is mentally and emotionally fragile. We'd told the kids about the divorce, and then had to try carrying … Continue reading Turning Things Around, Part 2
Turning Things Around, Part 1
Content note: discussion of mental health including suicidal ideation. Yesterday was a crisis day. My post yesterday might have, well I'd say hinted at that, but it probably screamed that. In the evening I pulled up the suicide hotline on a tab on my phone, just in case I needed it. Then I got out … Continue reading Turning Things Around, Part 1
Everything Hurts
Physically, I feel like I'm beginning to disintegrate from stress. Emotionally, everything hurts. I've gotten 3 hours of sleep twice in the last three nights. When I close my eyes for a moment I'm not sure if my brain is trying to enter a dream state without actually being asleep, or hallucinate. I've been trying … Continue reading Everything Hurts
Telling the Kids & Making it Public
We told the kids on the 30th. I found it incredibly difficult to fall asleep and probably got 3 hours. We'd agreed to tell them around 10am, when everyone would be awake and have eaten breakfast. I'd recently installed Dragon Age: Origins, which I'd purchased during a Steam sale, so I finally loaded it up … Continue reading Telling the Kids & Making it Public
Thank You
There are a few people that have interacted with me here on a regular basis this year, and those interactions helped. There are times when I think about the fact that there are 7.5+ billion people on Earth, and yet at any given moment I cease to exist to anyone but myself. It's not a … Continue reading Thank You
Flames On The Side Of My Face
So my husband wanted to go over the divorce paperwork. I'd already told him I wouldn't be filling anything out or signing anything, but it seemed important to him and I decided I'd go along with that. We walked over to the library, in silence most of the way except when we walked through a … Continue reading Flames On The Side Of My Face
Paradigm Shift
I had been a little more raw and emotional than usual in what I said in the group chat with A and H after leaving my therapist appointment. I apologized, sheepishly, and said that it was grounding to say something when my brain wanted to pick a direction and then drive until I couldn't. H … Continue reading Paradigm Shift
Just A Hole, Part 2
I woke up Friday morning feeling on edge, but my emotions were otherwise still comfortably numbed. My husband offered to make coffee after I got up. I accepted his offer and then went to get my shower so my hair would have some time to dry before leaving for my appointment with the my therapist. … Continue reading Just A Hole, Part 2
On A Good Day 