When I was at work yesterday one of my coworkers thanked me, by name. "Thank you, [my name]!" I felt immensely confused, and literally asked them if they were speaking to me. I'm the only person there by that name, and it's a very distinctive name. It would be funny if it weren't for such … Continue reading An Anecdote
Oops
I realized recently that some of my posts (because they're written as a public journal, emphasis on the journal) include statements that are likely to be confusing because they're missing context. So, trying to come up with a short biography for people that might be newer to reading here. I was home schooled and raised … Continue reading Oops
Sacrifice, Restoration and Awkward Timing
I entered my marriage with a fantastic metabolism. I could eat anything in any amount and stayed right around 120-125lbs. By my 3rd pregnancy, my metabolism was giving up. After my 4th pregnancy, I'd gone from a size 6 to a size 12 and was around 175lbs. I felt a little guilty for caring about … Continue reading Sacrifice, Restoration and Awkward Timing
I’m Okay
I'm not great, I'm not terrible. After a very rough start to the quarantine and social distancing, I've settled into an equilibrium of sorts. I'm not at my best - I managed to have a pretty good few weeks from February to mid-March. The anxiety and depression were very low, happiness was up. I'm definitely … Continue reading I’m Okay
Unslumping
Woke up this morning and started feeling anxiety kicking back in. A and H weren't very talkative Friday, and it made me start going into an anxiety spiral of 'what if I lost them as friends?' which was so gut-twisting it made me want to scream into the void. But that put me into problem-solving … Continue reading Unslumping
Depression Sans Anxiety
Content note: discussion of suicidal ideation. Wednesday was some of the roughest mental health shit I've dealt with to date. The day started out badly - I was already in a depressive mood early in the morning and the fact that everyone was silent made things worse. There was no chatter in my group chat … Continue reading Depression Sans Anxiety
Never Alone but Always Alone
I used to feel pretty awkward and anxious being out in public. I felt like I was drawing too much attention, too much notice. Later, as I tried to fight my way out of severe depression and anxiety, I secretly wished I'd get noticed. I felt like I was drowning alone and it would have … Continue reading Never Alone but Always Alone
It's Difficult To Write Right Now
I feel like I'm rather wasting an opportunity to be recording a major event in world history but I just can't seem to summon up the words most days. Yesterday Indy M messaged me asking if I'd keep her company while they moved. They would have fewer than 10 people to stay within the guidelines … Continue reading It's Difficult To Write Right Now
Selfish Wallowing
Yeah, we're staring down the barrel of a pandemic that could kill millions and I'm over here whining about my shitty life and mental health. Oh well. I can't do anything to save anyone else and feel like I'm not doing such a good job of saving myself, so. After I wrote yesterday's blog post … Continue reading Selfish Wallowing
Denial Of Expectations
I knew Indy M's support for my plan to ask H out on a date was spurred in part by her particular moral biases and beliefs about relationships. She falls in the camp of believing that when men and women are friends, it's nigh inevitable that someone catches feels. I think on some level, whether … Continue reading Denial Of Expectations
On A Good Day 