I learned some new things about my family yesterday. Ever watch an indie movie with some strange, weirdly screwed up family at the center of it? That could be my family. Here's some background. I'm trying to keep it brief but there are a lot of us. My mom was screwed up from a young … Continue reading Dysfunctional Families
6 Days
I think today is going to require managing anxiety. We're in the homestretch now. Including today, we have 6 days. How do we still have so much stuff left to deal with when we've been working on this for so long already? I had a suspicion my husband was underestimating how much we needed to … Continue reading 6 Days
Yesterday I Made A List
I have to attempt to become enough of a functional adult within a year that I'll be able to become independent by the end of next year. No pressure. I wrote the following: Priorities: Sleep (regular, long enough, restful) Environment (uncluttered and clean enough) Social life (hobbies I enjoy where I can meet people and … Continue reading Yesterday I Made A List
The Importance of Friendship, Part 2
After writing part one this morning, I decided I'd just talk to A and let her know what had happened, and what her friendship meant to me, and hope for the best. I've never been in this situation before, but we've been friends for years, and presumably she'd get over any irritation she felt. She's … Continue reading The Importance of Friendship, Part 2
The Importance of Friendship
Another night largely lost to anxiety. This time due to my brain chewing on itself over the subject of friendship, and falling in love. Ultimately, my friends matter more to me than love. I couldn't picture myself as one of those people that would give up their friends in order to be with someone. If … Continue reading The Importance of Friendship
Mostly Good Things
The difference between being in a bad headspace and a good headspace is night and day for me. Yesterday afternoon I updated A and H with what my therapist had said about not recommending hospitalization, and they were glad to hear it. I asked them to still periodically check on me until the 20th, just … Continue reading Mostly Good Things
Stress Relief
Today's therapy appointment provided relief. First, with a space where I could safely vent, express my fears, and let myself cry without worry. Secondly, in the fact that my therapist does not think I need hospitalization. She's worked in the programs that handle in hospital mental health stays, and did not believe one would be … Continue reading Stress Relief
I Need Two Halves Of A Coconut
I'd really like something cheerful to write. Being relentlessly down has the effect of making people want to back away slowly, lest the intensity of your misery rub off on them. I can't blame anyone for that. There have been times when I, too, have wanted to back away slowly because of the intensity of … Continue reading I Need Two Halves Of A Coconut
Stress
Yesterday was a horrendous day, though not a dangerous day, thankfully. It started out well enough. Even though my period had started I'd gotten a bit of sleep and actually felt focused and inspired enough to work on my project again, after weeks of having to neglect it. That didn't last long, though. By mid-morning … Continue reading Stress
Unfocused
The drafts are piling up again. I want to write, but my focus is shot. That's my biggest beef with chronic sleep deprivation. Without focus, I'm not getting shit done. I can't even entertain or distract myself properly. I can't maintain focus or interest for the length of an episode of television. It doesn't take … Continue reading Unfocused
On A Good Day 