I realized recently that some of my posts (because they're written as a public journal, emphasis on the journal) include statements that are likely to be confusing because they're missing context. So, trying to come up with a short biography for people that might be newer to reading here. I was home schooled and raised … Continue reading Oops
Category: Relationship
Depression Sans Anxiety
Content note: discussion of suicidal ideation. Wednesday was some of the roughest mental health shit I've dealt with to date. The day started out badly - I was already in a depressive mood early in the morning and the fact that everyone was silent made things worse. There was no chatter in my group chat … Continue reading Depression Sans Anxiety
It's Difficult To Write Right Now
I feel like I'm rather wasting an opportunity to be recording a major event in world history but I just can't seem to summon up the words most days. Yesterday Indy M messaged me asking if I'd keep her company while they moved. They would have fewer than 10 people to stay within the guidelines … Continue reading It's Difficult To Write Right Now
Denial Of Expectations
I knew Indy M's support for my plan to ask H out on a date was spurred in part by her particular moral biases and beliefs about relationships. She falls in the camp of believing that when men and women are friends, it's nigh inevitable that someone catches feels. I think on some level, whether … Continue reading Denial Of Expectations
Fumes
Content note: lots of depressed rambling ahead, if you don't feel like being pulled down by said rambling might want to skip. So, how am I feeling? Pretty defeated. Like I don't want that much from life, regular stuff that regular people get all the time, but for me it's unobtainable. I'd pictured rejection playing … Continue reading Fumes
Good News
So, the start of the morning was less-than-stellar when my husband showed up to work from home. Apparently his company is allowing people to voluntarily work from home while they decide if they need to shut down the office due to COVID-19 showing up in our state. While I was still digesting and internally freaking … Continue reading Good News
Until Use And Old Age Accept Them
I looked for the source of my fear and I found it. I determined I'd let the fear go. My brain promptly said "bitch, that anxiety was there for a reason - did you think I was being irrational? I didn't want you thinking about things that make you want to kill yourself." Domestic life … Continue reading Until Use And Old Age Accept Them
Irrationally Clingy
I heard from my attorney yesterday and she mentioned that my husband is justifying withholding funds from me to his attorney by claiming things like that I'm not going to the kids' counseling sessions and that instead I was driving around wasting gas. First, I was at a one day assignment for a staffing agency. … Continue reading Irrationally Clingy
Stupid Human Psyche
So, I had recently made the realization that everything related to searching for employment was causing me significant anxiety, MORE anxiety than getting divorced and currently being trapped living with my ex. Which made no sense. What was I afraid of? What was hanging out in my psyche that was making this so goddamn difficult? … Continue reading Stupid Human Psyche
How Does Everyone Live This Way?
And by 'live this way' I mean deal with human emotions all the time. Is there a way I can go back to being repressed? -sulks- This goes beyond the anger I have felt. I literally hate my husband. I wish he was dead. It's slowly sinking in that he deliberately tormented me with sleep … Continue reading How Does Everyone Live This Way?
On A Good Day 