Fortifying

I could feel that I was slipping, this morning, feeling the clutch of depression and anxiety. It did not help that the weather outside is overcast and dreary. Fortunately I had a therapy appointment scheduled for 11am, and I forced myself to get out the door for a walk before my appointment. There were a … Continue reading Fortifying →

Thanks, I Hate It

I think I've been very lonely for a very long time now, and couldn't look that loneliness in the face and acknowledge it for what it is. I had the realization yesterday that my unfocused, existential boredom that couldn't be assuaged was really a desire to be around congenial company in person. Growing up homeschooled … Continue reading Thanks, I Hate It →

A Rant About Boredom And Love

I'm just unfocused and bored enough that I can't focus on ways to alleviate the boredom. I'm at the level of existential boredom where I finally joined reddit last night, spent the evening browsing and occasionally commenting on things, and am now already bored with reddit. So now I'm here, hoping writing on my blog … Continue reading A Rant About Boredom And Love →

Failed Relaxation

Set out for a walk just after 9pm hoping it would help me relax before bed and about ten minutes in, the following occurs: Brain, anxiously: "What if a serial killer grabs us from behind and starts strangling us?" Stress response system: "Adrenalize! FIGHT MODE ENGAGED!" Me, definitely not relaxing now: ... Brain, cynically: "You … Continue reading Failed Relaxation →

War of the Soul

I have to apologize to Tolkien for the following story, as I have indulged in allegory. It's not a great story. I don't read it and think this is the best I have done or can do. It's a very, very personal story. It tells what happened to me through the language of fiction and … Continue reading War of the Soul →

A Certain Way of Seeing the World

I like to browse used bookstores from time to time. I used to collect anything that looked interesting, but lately I've pulled back from that for mental health reasons. When I have the focus for it, fiction reading is very much an escapist activity for me right now, and I don't want to be surprised … Continue reading A Certain Way of Seeing the World →

Gamer Meets Nature

More photos from today's nature preserve walk. First up, a bench dedicated to me, apparently! How nice! I found a loot chest! An unexpected reminder of a truly painful past - I am suddenly confronted by a Guild Wars 2 jumping puzzle. Oh look, I've found a treasure trove of tomes! Will they increase my … Continue reading Gamer Meets Nature →

Nature Preserved, Digitally

I wanted to get out of the house and get a walk, so I drove to a small nature preserve not too far from us. I realize I'm late to the party and also not a great photographer but I did have fun taking pictures while there so I'm going to share some. The trees … Continue reading Nature Preserved, Digitally →

Riding the Waves

I have at least gotten some sleep the last couple of nights. Not as much as I'd like or need, but I'll take what I can get. Yesterday my husband and I got into another heated discussion in the morning. I'd felt slighted, and thought he was still upset with me from Sunday, because he … Continue reading Riding the Waves →