Sleep: A Literal Need

My husband insisted on a third conversation to express his insecurity and impatience. I told him my number one priority is sleep, not hashing out the details and potential longevity of our relationship. Sleep is the necessary foundation for healing, and I was just doing what was necessary to get from here to when we … Continue reading Sleep: A Literal Need →

Emotions Aren’t Our Enemy

I suspect one reason that humans struggle with our emotions so much is that we're often taught to fear them, to see them as an inconvenience, obstacle or weakness. We're not taught that they're a necessary tool: for interpersonal interaction, for mental, emotional and physical health, and for general interaction with the world around us. … Continue reading Emotions Aren’t Our Enemy →

Conciliation and Coping

"You know I do care how you're doing, right?" My husband is being conciliatory. I've noticed, over the 18 years we've been together, that he doesn't apologize and he doesn't use language that formally accepts responsibility for anything inside our relationship. He will, instead, soften and attempt to reconnect. Every now and then I'd get … Continue reading Conciliation and Coping →

Faithless

Where every step I took in faith betrayed me... I'd put a playlist on but hadn't really been paying close attention. An old favorite from my teen years was playing, though, and the above line leaped out at me. Every step I took in faith betrayed me. It might be hard to find another sentence … Continue reading Faithless →

Beauty and Ashes

Yesterday wasn't exactly a great day. My husband is myopically focused on what he believes our relationship should look like, and how I'm failing to live up to that. I'm myopically focused on not ending up in another long stretch of major depression and anxiety. I hate how mental health is often treated as less … Continue reading Beauty and Ashes →

Morbid Curiosity Leads to Anger

I distract myself by browsing a lot of blogs. Some I click on out of morbid curiosity, especially if they appear to be written by conservative Christians. Most of the time, I'm grimly amused at the way they think and write, glad I've left that world behind me. Today, though, I stumbled across a blog … Continue reading Morbid Curiosity Leads to Anger →

Inappropriate Humor

"Make sure to squeeze some Irish potatoes," our incorrigible stepfather said. My sister J and I, well aware he wasn't talking about actual potatoes, turned beet red but laughed. J and I were heading to Ireland to spend a month backpacking around the island. J was 20 and I would turn 18 shortly after arrival. … Continue reading Inappropriate Humor →

Outlook Hazy

" ...to me this is sliding from Clueless Basic Man territory to Actually Toxic." One of my good friends has accepted the role of confidant when it comes to the relationship woes I've been experiencing this year. She's good at the role - she doesn't offer unasked-for advice, she's sympathetic, and while she admits to … Continue reading Outlook Hazy →

Apex Predators and Zombies

Last night I was sore for some unknown reason, because meat suits are terrible, and I couldn't stay asleep because of it. I got up before 5am and took an aspirin and went back to bed, which improved my sleep so much that I actually had a proper REM cycle. I proceeded to dream about … Continue reading Apex Predators and Zombies →