Sleep: A Literal Need

My husband insisted on a third conversation to express his insecurity and impatience. I told him my number one priority is sleep, not hashing out the details and potential longevity of our relationship. Sleep is the necessary foundation for healing, and I was just doing what was necessary to get from here to when we moved and began our new sleeping arrangement.

He decided he’d start sleeping on the couch now, since the turmoil in the apartment has subsided and the majority of our belongings are packed and in storage now.

Later, he messaged me “no reason for both of us to not sleep well.”

It felt like it could be passive-aggressive, or intended to convey magnanimity, but either way it resulted in internal, mental screaming and flailing on my part, because he was perfectly fine with both of us not sleeping well until I gave him an ultimatum on the subject.

He’s going to fuck up my sleep for 16 years, watch TV in our bedroom until 2-3AM, feel disgruntled when I made simple requests like for him to turn the TV down to 25, or not watch It’s Always Sunny because their voices go through my head while I’m trying to sleep, and NOW he’s going to say ‘no reason for both of us to not sleep well.’

That was a realization he should have come to years ago. On his own. Does he now expect me to give him cookies for being accommodating once I’m literally pushed to the edge by chronic sleep deprivation? 👱‍♂️🚀🌞

Well, progress is progress. Now that I know he won’t be waking me up, I can move my bedtime up to 10PM and see if the extra hours sleeping while it’s dark out help.

I went out for a walk around 9:15 and was dismayed to discover that half our town seemed to have descended on the park for sportsball. It turns out walking alone late at night is not nearly as anxiety-inducing as walking through a park oozing with other, very noisy, humans.

The fireflies were out in abundance again, though, which was magical. It would have made for quite a romantic walk – scratch that, a lovely walk with anyone that truly appreciates beauty. You can be dating or married to someone and if they don’t see the same magic you do, there won’t be anything particularly romantic about it.

I completed my regular circuit in around 40 minutes and arrived home sweaty and tightly wound. I took a quick shower, said good night to my husband and kids, and headed to bed. After turning off the light I listened to a few songs of Enya’s, then closed up the laptop to try and sleep.

I was concerned about whether or not I’d be able to fall asleep, since I could still hear the sounds of the TV coming from downstairs, but it turns out it’s much less invasive than when it’s right in the room with me, so I fell asleep relatively quickly.

My night was still restless, with a lot of tossing and turning in part due to continued soreness, but when I woke up I could fall back to sleep quickly, since there was no longer someone next to me making sounds like their sinuses might drown them in their sleep. I know I dreamed but can’t remember the details.

I might have some sympathy for my husband’s discomfort and loneliness sleeping on his own, if he’d ever tried to change his terrible sleep habits. Instead, he insisted nothing could be done to help his insomnia, while utterly refusing to try anything that might help.

In the meantime, I’m hoping 4 weeks of better, earlier rest will provide improvement for me.

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