Recovery

Thursday something occurred that felt nearly miraculous. My therapist expressed his opinion that I was doing so well that all I might need at this point would be the occasional session to check in and make sure everything was still okay. It's a little less than 2 years since I embarked on a journey to … Continue reading Recovery →

Oops

I realized recently that some of my posts (because they're written as a public journal, emphasis on the journal) include statements that are likely to be confusing because they're missing context. So, trying to come up with a short biography for people that might be newer to reading here. I was home schooled and raised … Continue reading Oops →

This Is Quite A Timeline

I don't get political on this blog very often. Just a warning, I'm on the left and have nothing good to say about the current administration. I'm an LGBT+ person in a female body that grew up on the Christian right. The Christian right and their teachings combined with my parents' early brainwashing techniques conditioned … Continue reading This Is Quite A Timeline →

Until Use And Old Age Accept Them

I looked for the source of my fear and I found it. I determined I'd let the fear go. My brain promptly said "bitch, that anxiety was there for a reason - did you think I was being irrational? I didn't want you thinking about things that make you want to kill yourself." Domestic life … Continue reading Until Use And Old Age Accept Them →

Stupid Human Psyche

So, I had recently made the realization that everything related to searching for employment was causing me significant anxiety, MORE anxiety than getting divorced and currently being trapped living with my ex. Which made no sense. What was I afraid of? What was hanging out in my psyche that was making this so goddamn difficult? … Continue reading Stupid Human Psyche →

Choices

Tuesday I met with what would hopefully become my newly retained law firm. I was so nervous by the time I got there that I joked in the group chat with A & H that hopefully they wouldn't be too put out if I collapsed on their floor and became catatonic. The meeting didn't raise … Continue reading Choices →

Impressionable Youth

Content note: mention of child abuse (An even more cheerful entry for Christmas. I'd apologize, but this blog is first and foremost a way for me to chronicle, process and cope with my life as it is and was.) A discussion about sense of self and identity - first with M and then later with … Continue reading Impressionable Youth →

Chewed Gum

Yesterday I sat on the little stone landing outside my dad's front door. The sun was out and I wanted to feel some warmth and do something healthy for myself. I brought my phone & headphones with me and listened to music and periodically cried. Sometimes a thought would come to me that I'd feel … Continue reading Chewed Gum →

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

I'm finding it grimly amusing that trying to convince my husband to see a therapist seems to be backfiring on all fronts. I genuinely wanted him to get help and healing and learn how to move forward with his life in healthy ways, but I'm reminded that no therapist can help someone that doesn't think … Continue reading No Good Deed Goes Unpunished →

Pursuing Happiness

I posted this on Facebook today but felt it would be worth posting here, too, as part of my effort to chronicle my ongoing journey from mental illness to mental health. Last year near the end of July I sprained my ankle and had to spend months mostly stuck in bed, playing No Man's Sky … Continue reading Pursuing Happiness →