Just A Hole, Part 2

I woke up Friday morning feeling on edge, but my emotions were otherwise still comfortably numbed. My husband offered to make coffee after I got up. I accepted his offer and then went to get my shower so my hair would have some time to dry before leaving for my appointment with the my therapist. … Continue reading Just A Hole, Part 2 →

Just A Hole, Part 1

Yesterday I messaged my husband that we would need to set aside time to discuss the 30th - the day we tell our kids about the divorce and make a public announcement. He wanted it to be sooner rather than later, so we arranged that we'd discuss it at Starbucks Thursday night after supper. I … Continue reading Just A Hole, Part 1 →

Affirmation and Success

I didn't sleep well last night, as usual. Around 5:40 I opened google documents on my phone and brought up a recent document titled 'I am worthy.' In it I'd written the following: I am worthy.I am worthy of having my needs met. I am worthy of having my needs met without resentment or stipulation.I … Continue reading Affirmation and Success →

The Life I Want

I've had multiple people assume, in a negative way, that I'm divorcing my husband in order to get the life I want. Honestly, my first reaction was to be outraged that they think THIS is the life I want - to be a divorced mom of four on the cusp of 40, dealing with mental … Continue reading The Life I Want →

Charitable Interpretations

I recently posted about having to face some hard truths about my husband and our relationship. I had a post from a year ago, December 2018, pop up in Facebook's feed today. In it, I said my posts about feminism, my posts condemning patriarchy, had nothing to do with my own relationship. I praised my … Continue reading Charitable Interpretations →

Irrationality

I had talked to the police the same day I talked to legal aid. Having guns in the house has been making my anxiety worse. I wanted to know if I'd be allowed to legally remove them and store them with a friend or family member. The answer was yes. Everything in the apartment belongs … Continue reading Irrationality →

Legal Aid

I'm sure I earned another dollop of ire this morning by leaving the house early without telling my husband where I was going. My appointment wasn't until 9:45 but it was raining and I had to drive into downtown Indy so I wanted to give myself plenty of time. I am really glad I went. … Continue reading Legal Aid →

Bitter Truths

I'm having to face some tough realizations. My husband used me, for years. However he justified it to himself, he chose to stay in a relationship where he knew he had inordinate power and got what he wanted from me, and he used me year after year after year. He never did anything meaningful to … Continue reading Bitter Truths →

Communication

So this morning I was out of the house just after 9. Went to the library, started charging my phone, tried to calm my nerves a bit and then called legal aid. The automated message informed me that if my hold time exceeded 20 minutes, I'd be disconnected. At 17 minutes, someone answered. Now I … Continue reading Communication →

Relentlessly Negative

Well, I certainly don't want this blog to seem relentlessly negative, thus bearing up part of my little sister's opinion of me, but a lot of negative things are happening that I want to keep a record of, so. Yesterday just after 5pm, my husband came in and asked if I had a couple of … Continue reading Relentlessly Negative →