I realized recently that some of my posts (because they're written as a public journal, emphasis on the journal) include statements that are likely to be confusing because they're missing context. So, trying to come up with a short biography for people that might be newer to reading here. I was home schooled and raised … Continue reading Oops
Tag: Religious Indoctrination
Until Use And Old Age Accept Them
I looked for the source of my fear and I found it. I determined I'd let the fear go. My brain promptly said "bitch, that anxiety was there for a reason - did you think I was being irrational? I didn't want you thinking about things that make you want to kill yourself." Domestic life … Continue reading Until Use And Old Age Accept Them
Stupid Human Psyche
So, I had recently made the realization that everything related to searching for employment was causing me significant anxiety, MORE anxiety than getting divorced and currently being trapped living with my ex. Which made no sense. What was I afraid of? What was hanging out in my psyche that was making this so goddamn difficult? … Continue reading Stupid Human Psyche
Impressionable Youth
Content note: mention of child abuse (An even more cheerful entry for Christmas. I'd apologize, but this blog is first and foremost a way for me to chronicle, process and cope with my life as it is and was.) A discussion about sense of self and identity - first with M and then later with … Continue reading Impressionable Youth
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
I'm finding it grimly amusing that trying to convince my husband to see a therapist seems to be backfiring on all fronts. I genuinely wanted him to get help and healing and learn how to move forward with his life in healthy ways, but I'm reminded that no therapist can help someone that doesn't think … Continue reading No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
Pursuing Happiness
I posted this on Facebook today but felt it would be worth posting here, too, as part of my effort to chronicle my ongoing journey from mental illness to mental health. Last year near the end of July I sprained my ankle and had to spend months mostly stuck in bed, playing No Man's Sky … Continue reading Pursuing Happiness
Pacing My Cage
Today is apparently one of those days when I'm going to have to deal with feeling caged - caged by expectations, caged by necessity, caged by empathy, caged by apparent gender, caged by loneliness, caged by time, caged by indecision, caged by anxiety. A day when I hear screams of rage and grief in my … Continue reading Pacing My Cage
War of the Soul
I have to apologize to Tolkien for the following story, as I have indulged in allegory. It's not a great story. I don't read it and think this is the best I have done or can do. It's a very, very personal story. It tells what happened to me through the language of fiction and … Continue reading War of the Soul
The End, And The Beginning Of The End
Well, that was rough, but we ripped the bandaid off, together. Based on what I knew of my husband, I thought if I gave him some feeling of control over the structure of his life again, that he might stabilize. I was mentally fortified yesterday, feeling strong enough to handle anything short of violence, which … Continue reading The End, And The Beginning Of The End
Stabilizing
I'm a little more stable now. One source of sadness and anxiety that was leading to worst case scenario brain has been resolved and the difference was instantaneous. Maintaining balance isn't an easy feat. I hate that I'm this fragile. This fragility is why I'd wanted my husband to back off and give me space. … Continue reading Stabilizing
On A Good Day 