Thursday something occurred that felt nearly miraculous. My therapist expressed his opinion that I was doing so well that all I might need at this point would be the occasional session to check in and make sure everything was still okay. It's a little less than 2 years since I embarked on a journey to … Continue reading Recovery
Tag: depression
I’m Not Dead Yet But I Don’t Think I’ll Take A Walk, Yet
Well, life changed in a big way. I got employment. I got my own apartment. I forced my ex to agree to 50/50 custody for the summer. My mental health improved significantly. I started dabbling with dating. My writing habit got derailed. We were supposed to have a final hearing for the divorce in September. … Continue reading I’m Not Dead Yet But I Don’t Think I’ll Take A Walk, Yet
Solid Ground
In 2015, easily one of the worst (if not the worst) years I had for depression and mental health issues, I felt like I was alone in the ocean, at night, with no idea which way to swim in order to reach land - just trying to float and wondering if I would go under. … Continue reading Solid Ground
Bits and Pieces
I was so devastated at the idea of working retail. I sucked it up and applied for a job and I ended up working at a grocery store in a pandemic. That sounds pretty terrible on the surface of things. So it's a little surreal that when I'm at work I'm the most at peace … Continue reading Bits and Pieces
I’m Okay
I'm not great, I'm not terrible. After a very rough start to the quarantine and social distancing, I've settled into an equilibrium of sorts. I'm not at my best - I managed to have a pretty good few weeks from February to mid-March. The anxiety and depression were very low, happiness was up. I'm definitely … Continue reading I’m Okay
Unslumping
Woke up this morning and started feeling anxiety kicking back in. A and H weren't very talkative Friday, and it made me start going into an anxiety spiral of 'what if I lost them as friends?' which was so gut-twisting it made me want to scream into the void. But that put me into problem-solving … Continue reading Unslumping
Depression Sans Anxiety
Content note: discussion of suicidal ideation. Wednesday was some of the roughest mental health shit I've dealt with to date. The day started out badly - I was already in a depressive mood early in the morning and the fact that everyone was silent made things worse. There was no chatter in my group chat … Continue reading Depression Sans Anxiety
Never Alone but Always Alone
I used to feel pretty awkward and anxious being out in public. I felt like I was drawing too much attention, too much notice. Later, as I tried to fight my way out of severe depression and anxiety, I secretly wished I'd get noticed. I felt like I was drowning alone and it would have … Continue reading Never Alone but Always Alone
Selfish Wallowing
Yeah, we're staring down the barrel of a pandemic that could kill millions and I'm over here whining about my shitty life and mental health. Oh well. I can't do anything to save anyone else and feel like I'm not doing such a good job of saving myself, so. After I wrote yesterday's blog post … Continue reading Selfish Wallowing
Low
I'm really struggling. I feel like I exist as a place for my dreams to die. It's the opposite of helpful for people to try and be encouraging and hopeful and say that one day, things will be better, one day I'll get the things I need. Oh really? Well, I've already put nearly 40 … Continue reading Low
On A Good Day 