I’m Not Dead Yet But I Don’t Think I’ll Take A Walk, Yet

Well, life changed in a big way. I got employment. I got my own apartment. I forced my ex to agree to 50/50 custody for the summer. My mental health improved significantly. I started dabbling with dating. My writing habit got derailed.

We were supposed to have a final hearing for the divorce in September. My attorney had to ask for a continuance. We were supposed to have a rescheduled hearing on October 14th. His attorney had to ask for a continuance. Now we may have a hearing on November 16th.

I’m in a pretty zen headspace. I have faced the possible outcomes and I know I can survive any of them, and even thrive.

Today I hit a major milestone. I had a session with my therapist and he said I’m doing so well he thinks all I need right now is maintenance. A session here and there to check in and make sure everything is still going well.

This. Is. Amazing.

When I first started therapy in late 2018, I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life dealing with major symptoms of mental illness, specifically depression and anxiety. Coming up on two years later my life and my mental health have been transformed. Every now and then I have a bad day or a bad night. It’s much easier to walk through and out of those.

I never, in my wildest dreams, imagined I could be living life without feeling, on a constant basis, that river of sadness running under everything I did. I never imagined I could boldly make choices and feel confident with those choices instead of having to push myself through worst case scenarios in order to live a meager life.

As tough as 2020 has been for so many people, and as painfully as it started for me, it’s not my worst year, not by a long shot. It’s the year my new and much better, much healthier life, started.

The only reason I’m not going to take a walk yet is because the flats I wore Wednesday rubbed one of my heels raw and I’m trying to let it heal before I work in the morning!

3 thoughts on “I’m Not Dead Yet But I Don’t Think I’ll Take A Walk, Yet

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