I'm a good person, pretty much down to the bone. The religious indoctrination of conservative Christianity had me convinced for a large chunk of my life that I was a terrible person filled with darkness and dark desires, and that only the blood of Jesus could hold me back from depravity and hedonism. A life … Continue reading Good To The Bone
Category: Religious Indoctrination
Happiness and the Conservative Christian Girl
For most of my life I've had to pass my happiness and desires through the happiness and desires of someone else, first. I couldn't just make a choice because it would be good for me and make me happy, I had to check first to make sure if what I wanted to do was acceptable … Continue reading Happiness and the Conservative Christian Girl
If Only
I guess I'm grieving today. Grieving the death of dreams and wasted time. Which stage is anger? Because I'm angry. Angry that I was taught my happiness didn't matter. Angry at the stupidity of having my life crushed because old dead guys wanted to keep Patriarchy alive and kicking. Angry that my mom found safety … Continue reading If Only
The Road Goes Ever On And On
The parts of me that went offline because of depression are starting to come back online. That's usually a thing to be pleased about. This time, it's inconvenient. I woke up this morning in a mood. I recognized this mood. I've lived with it since I was a young child. Restlessly wanting more and different … Continue reading The Road Goes Ever On And On
An Unexpected Reminder
Yesterday was one of those days that aren't good or bad but are instead marked by an inability to focus, low energy, and a restless, fidgety feeling underneath it all, as if I wanted to be out doing something, but can't for the life of me figure out what I want to be out doing. … Continue reading An Unexpected Reminder
Unwanted Holiday
I wish my children would forget and ignore Mother's Day. I've said, in the past, that I didn't want anyone to bother recognizing the day for me. The older two seem content to ignore it, now, but the younger two have school projects that involve the whole class making cards or pictures for their mothers, … Continue reading Unwanted Holiday
‘Love Is All You Need’ Is A Lie
Who knows, maybe at some point I would have wanted the marriage, children and a nest thing - if I'd been given time to arrive there instead of being pressured to accept it while it was very much not what I wanted or needed. 'Love is all you need' is a lie, a bald-faced, utter … Continue reading ‘Love Is All You Need’ Is A Lie
Unseen
When I opened up about my experiences with religious indoctrination on Facebook a little while ago, a relative expressed shock anyone could believe the things I believed for so long. I knew they were defensive because they didn't like my criticism of Christianity, and their faith was of a more liberal variety, but it still … Continue reading Unseen
Religious Indoctrination 20/20
I sprained my ankle in July 2018. I am in my late 30s and had never broken a bone or sprained an ankle and now my ankle went out from under me while walking in a park. It was not a mild sprain. It wasn't bad enough to need surgery but it did mean I … Continue reading Religious Indoctrination 20/20
Religious Indoctrination 19/20
I had started out my adult life as a conservative evangelical Christian that voted Republican if I voted at all. I'd registered as an independent but realistically I wouldn't be voting for a liberal. Liberal equaled hedonist sinner that supported killing babies. I was against feminism. I believed it was wrong to be gay, and … Continue reading Religious Indoctrination 19/20
On A Good Day 