I woke up this morning and realized that I must have had a proper REM cycle, because I'd been dreaming. The remembered dream made me laugh because of how silly it had been, and I was instantly in a good mood. I went downstairs, and found that my husband was already awake and had started … Continue reading Ignoring My Empathy
Category: Relationship
Sex and the Conservative Christian Girl: part 2
Content note: lengthy, frank discussion of at least one human's sexuality, profanity, lack of euphemisms, unlikely to be erotic or sexy, sorry. Part One Fantasizing turned out to be the best way for me to keep my sex life alive for a while. Fantasize until seriously horny, then seek out my husband for sex. That … Continue reading Sex and the Conservative Christian Girl: part 2
Sex and the Conservative Christian Girl
Content note: lengthy, frank discussion of at least one human's sexuality Lengthy frank was on purpose and I'm not apologizing. Second content note: said discussion is unlikely to be erotic or sexy, sorry - unless your kink is stories of awkward, ignorant, repressed sexuality, in which case, enjoy! Third content note: profanity, lack of euphemisms … Continue reading Sex and the Conservative Christian Girl
Sleep: A Literal Need
My husband insisted on a third conversation to express his insecurity and impatience. I told him my number one priority is sleep, not hashing out the details and potential longevity of our relationship. Sleep is the necessary foundation for healing, and I was just doing what was necessary to get from here to when we … Continue reading Sleep: A Literal Need
Conciliation and Coping
"You know I do care how you're doing, right?" My husband is being conciliatory. I've noticed, over the 18 years we've been together, that he doesn't apologize and he doesn't use language that formally accepts responsibility for anything inside our relationship. He will, instead, soften and attempt to reconnect. Every now and then I'd get … Continue reading Conciliation and Coping
Beauty and Ashes
Yesterday wasn't exactly a great day. My husband is myopically focused on what he believes our relationship should look like, and how I'm failing to live up to that. I'm myopically focused on not ending up in another long stretch of major depression and anxiety. I hate how mental health is often treated as less … Continue reading Beauty and Ashes
Outlook Hazy
" ...to me this is sliding from Clueless Basic Man territory to Actually Toxic." One of my good friends has accepted the role of confidant when it comes to the relationship woes I've been experiencing this year. She's good at the role - she doesn't offer unasked-for advice, she's sympathetic, and while she admits to … Continue reading Outlook Hazy
Damned If I Do, Damned If I Don’t
I'm up to 144k words on my rough draft. I know what the ending will be. I have already started reorganizing the material so that I can split and expand it into a trilogy for the second draft. And yet, here I am, not having touched it in days now, perhaps weeks. I have writer's … Continue reading Damned If I Do, Damned If I Don’t
Trapped Inside My Own Skull
Drafts have been piling up. I keep starting to write things. The ones I complete often end up too personal for me to bring myself to post, which is odd for someone that basically started blogging so I could have a public journal, that has already posted tons of quite personal stuff, and that hates … Continue reading Trapped Inside My Own Skull
Restless
I opened my laptop, powered it up, and saw that the clock said 5:58 AM. I'm feeling a little salty about this. My brain has apparently decided I'm a morning person now, and it didn't give me any conscious say in this decision. It just won't let me keep sleeping, or at least not sleeping … Continue reading Restless
On A Good Day 