Damned If I Do, Damned If I Don’t

I'm up to 144k words on my rough draft. I know what the ending will be. I have already started reorganizing the material so that I can split and expand it into a trilogy for the second draft. And yet, here I am, not having touched it in days now, perhaps weeks. I have writer's … Continue reading Damned If I Do, Damned If I Don’t →

I’ve Been Blessed By The Elder Gods

I was taking a bath - all stories about Elder Gods should begin in a maddening, circuitous fashion, so you'll just have to bear with me - anyway, I wasn't a fan of baths for most of my life, as I found them time-consuming and boring, but after spraining my ankle, I started soaking with … Continue reading I’ve Been Blessed By The Elder Gods →

Self-Indulgent Fantasy

(Content note: violent situations, Republicans) Anxiety likes to force me through worst case scenarios. These often end in the death of a loved one, my death (gruesome, or painful, or humiliatingly banal), or worse, ending up a middle aged person working at walmart with death in their eyes.* This morning I questioned that. Why don't … Continue reading Self-Indulgent Fantasy →

Christianity As A Cloak For Mental Illness

I was reading the comments on a post about religion and mental health and found some poor Christians talking about being tormented by demons and now I'm over here in a rage just wanting to scream YOU ARE NOT BEING TORMENTED BY DEMONS YOU HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS AND NEED TREATMENT, NOT JESUS.* Jesus-fucking-christ. Several … Continue reading Christianity As A Cloak For Mental Illness →

Repression Is A Talent Of Mine

"You're checking her out!" My friend JK sounded both shocked and amused. He was giving me a ride to Tampa for our LARP night and as we pulled away from the place I shared with my sister J, we'd seen a young woman walking along the side of the road, with long dark hair, a … Continue reading Repression Is A Talent Of Mine →

Outside the Binary

I knew I was genderqueer long before the word found its way to me. I visualized myself as sitting on a fence, with men on one side and women on the other. I didn't understand men or masculinity, but that was okay, I wasn't expected to understand them. I didn't understand women or femininity, either, … Continue reading Outside the Binary →

It’s Leonard Nimoy’s Fault…

...that I have resting bitch face. So, my friend H and I were talking about medieval weaponry and combat - I promise this does eventually lead to Leonard Nimoy and resting bitch face - anyway, he knows more about the subject than I do, as my interest was, ahem, largely inspired and influenced by all … Continue reading It’s Leonard Nimoy’s Fault… →

Queer Emotions

Yesterday I was reading a review of Real Queer America and it mentioned a variety of people that were interviewed for the book, including the manager of the only queer nightclub in Bloomington, Indiana. Several things went through my mind very quickly. The first was the realization that I belong in queer spaces. Although I've … Continue reading Queer Emotions →

Well Crap

I wasn't intending to keep this blog a secret from people I know, originally, but then found that I really liked having something that was just mine, where I wouldn't have to worry about who I knew that might see something I'd written. So I decided I'd keep it anonymous. I've discussed blogging again with … Continue reading Well Crap →

Trapped Inside My Own Skull

Drafts have been piling up. I keep starting to write things. The ones I complete often end up too personal for me to bring myself to post, which is odd for someone that basically started blogging so I could have a public journal, that has already posted tons of quite personal stuff, and that hates … Continue reading Trapped Inside My Own Skull →