While thinking about the fact that I want to become a functional adult human being again I was reminded of the night when it finally came crashing home to me that no matter how I felt inside, for better or for worse, I was definitely an adult now. I was 23 or 24, sexually active … Continue reading Oh Shit, I’m An Adult
Month: May 2019
What I Want
"What do you want?" my husband asked in frustration. Beyond the answers of 'sleep' and 'a clean, non-cluttered environment' that I'd already given, I had no idea what to tell him. It felt like a waste of time and energy to want anything until I had achieved those two goals. I think at the time … Continue reading What I Want
Adventures in Moving
We've received the official written confirmation that my husband's transfer has been approved and so yesterday morning, early, we loaded the whole family in the van and drove three hours to what will be our new state so that we could view apartment complexes and find out if we liked any of the ones I'd … Continue reading Adventures in Moving
Unwanted Holiday
I wish my children would forget and ignore Mother's Day. I've said, in the past, that I didn't want anyone to bother recognizing the day for me. The older two seem content to ignore it, now, but the younger two have school projects that involve the whole class making cards or pictures for their mothers, … Continue reading Unwanted Holiday
Demons
"I think it wants to hurt you," Vidsen said. The creature he spoke of moved its head swiftly to gaze at him. It had eyes the color of dried blood, with no discernable pupil or white. Vidsen swallowed and took a step back. Azele Tau did not look up or respond. She walked slowly in … Continue reading Demons
Insert Pretentious or Cliche Quote About Dreams Here
Among the many reasons to dislike chronic sleep deprivation is the infrequency of my dreams. My dreams and I are friends. I dream in color - color that is sometimes so vivid it seems to glow. Sometimes I am myself in dreams, but often I am not. I may inhabit the body of the dream's … Continue reading Insert Pretentious or Cliche Quote About Dreams Here
An Exploration of Fear
When I was 4, we lived in an old white farmhouse on a dirt road way out in the country in Nebraska. Some of my earliest memories of fear belong to this location. There was the creek behind the house whose water turned opaque under the bridge. If I could not see the bottom, water … Continue reading An Exploration of Fear
Spring Ramble
It has become warmer and stopped raining so I wanted to get out and take a walk. The cell phone, when I found it, had died and my first thought was that I should stay home so I wouldn't risk missing a call from one of the kids' schools. Then I asked myself if there … Continue reading Spring Ramble
Fuck Those Guys
And by those guys, I mean David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, the showrunners (and current writers) for Game of Thrones. (Potential spoilers ahead.) I enjoyed seasons 1-4, and it started to slide downhill fast for me after that, until I'm simply hate watching the current season out of morbid curiosity. These two are shit at … Continue reading Fuck Those Guys
Potential Progress
We had two visits with therapists today. First to see my husband's therapist, then to see my therapist. They both gently affirmed that the change we're working on is necessary and needs to be continued - in such a way that it didn't even come to an argument or discussion. After our latest fight, we … Continue reading Potential Progress
On A Good Day 