Spring Ramble

It has become warmer and stopped raining so I wanted to get out and take a walk. The cell phone, when I found it, had died and my first thought was that I should stay home so I wouldn’t risk missing a call from one of the kids’ schools. Then I asked myself if there was really much of a risk of one of my children having an accident during a random hour spent outside, and decided to go, anyway. I’m trying to walk through all the anxiety I’ve accrued over the years and hopefully, some day, find myself on the other side of it.

Some of the trees around here have leafed out, some are blooming, and some are still waving sparsely covered, nearly-nude branches at the sky. There are dandelions and violets and an assortment of other wildflowers blooming. The flooding has not entirely subsided, so a portion of my usual path was cut off as water flooded out of the lake into the river. I went around the long way, through a field, because a little mud seemed worth being able to walk around the other half of the park.

In the other half of the park I passed two geese and their numerous goslings, and rather than leave the side of the path the parents glared at me and hissed, loudly, so I decided I would not try to count how many goslings there were after all and simply walked on, hoping they wouldn’t decide they needed to fly at me and peck while I was leaving. I have never yet had a goose attack me and I would prefer to keep it that way.

I ended up having to try to calm a bout of anxiety after someone honked while I was crossing the street that cuts through the park. Either one driver had failed to notice the car in front of them was stopped to allow me time to proceed through the crosswalk, or I had misinterpreted what I thought was the driver of the first vehicle waving me through. Either way, it left me on edge for most of the rest of the walk.

As I was nearing the end of my walk, I spotted a blue jay flying across a field and was stopped in my tracks. Thirty years ago as a child, I saw so many blue jays that I found them rather commonplace, though I still liked to find their feathers. Sometime before leaving Florida I had the realization I rarely saw blue jays anymore and could not, in fact, remember the last time I’d seen one. When I arrived in Illinois I didn’t notice them here, either. It made me sad to think that perhaps they are one of the species of birds that have been decimated by the domestic cat, and it was lovely to see one again in person.

A few blocks further I was slowed again, this time by the beauty of pink petals in piles against the black of the parking lot and along the edges of the sidewalks. I would have lingered longer, but one of the residents was leaving his town home and I’m unwilling to be stared at while I’m staring at things. It’s probably a good thing I moved on, as I hadn’t put a headband on before I left and the breeze had left me quite disheveled and rather disreputable in appearance by the time I got home.

Even though I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress this spring I’m glad I’m not currently dealing with the sort of depression I’ve had many other springs, and that I can get some enjoyment out of the beauty of the season this year.

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