The cost of obedience to what I believed was God's will for my life was high. Feeling overwhelmed, tired, stressed, depressed and anxious became my normal right away after getting married and becoming pregnant for the first time. I had never been a huge fan of being touched or having someone in close proximity to … Continue reading Religious Indoctrination 18/20 →

I never explicitly told my husband that I was submitting to him. I thought we were on the same page, that he believed that was the natural order of things for Christians attempting to follow God. I didn't enjoy my duty to submit, I didn't enjoy the life my husband was choosing for us, he … Continue reading Religious Indoctrination 17/20 →

My god was a malicious monster. I was a better person than my god was. My god wasn't real. He was a phantom in my mind, a phantom created by people and placed in my mind by people, and it was their hierarchy and their will that I tried to obey, while praying to the … Continue reading Religious Indoctrination 16/20 →

God was a god of love. The greatest commandments were to love the Lord your God and to love your neighbor as yourself. Love was patient, love was kind, love did not brag and was not arrogant, love did not seek its own, love did not take into account a wrong suffered, love forgave all … Continue reading Religious Indoctrination 15/20 →

I was a very homophobic person. I had never been able to have the same kind of relationship with my dad ever since finding out he was gay. After he'd put himself back together post-divorce he was still very much the loving and smart and funny person that he'd been before, but I wouldn't let … Continue reading Religious Indoctrination 14/20 →

Young earth creationism had fallen. A literal, inerrant Word of God had fallen. Hell had fallen. Inevitable human depravity had fallen. Suffering as the means to become better was eroding. Hierarchy was eroding. I'd been isolated and put into a metaphorical iron suit of religious propaganda that would contain and restrain my growth as a … Continue reading Religious Indoctrination 13/20 →

My life hadn't just been informed by a belief that suffering was how God turned me into a better person, it had also been informed by a belief in hierarchy as the natural, God-ordained way the universe functioned and humans were supposed to behave. I accepted the concept of God-ordained hierarchy, but one modified by … Continue reading Religious Indoctrination 12/20 →

So much of my life and my choices had been informed by the belief that I was selfish and full of sin, or the desire to sin, and that God had to use the circumstances of my life to remove that selfishness and sin. A happy, easy life wouldn't work to help remove selfishness and … Continue reading Religious Indoctrination 11/20 →

Hell, that source of torment for so much of my life, was the next belief to fall. There was very little support in the Bible's texts for humans spending eternity in a lake of fire. More importantly, forcing humans to spend an eternity in a lake of fire would mark God as a colossal fucking … Continue reading Religious Indoctrination 10/20 →

My discovery of Calvinism brought on a crisis. The idea that salvation had been predetermined and that there was nothing anyone could do to have any control over their ultimate fate rattled me. What if it was true? Calvinism was supported by various texts from the Bible, after all. I decided that if it was … Continue reading Religious Indoctrination 9/20 →