War of the Soul

I have to apologize to Tolkien for the following story, as I have indulged in allegory. It's not a great story. I don't read it and think this is the best I have done or can do. It's a very, very personal story. It tells what happened to me through the language of fiction and … Continue reading War of the Soul →

On the Subject of Doubt

Yesterday A, M and I had a conversation about faith and religion. (J's phone has been screwing up and refusing to connect to her wi-fi when she's at home, so she wasn't present for it). All 4 of us have been severely damaged by religious indoctrination. All 4 of us have had at least one … Continue reading On the Subject of Doubt →

The End, And The Beginning Of The End

Well, that was rough, but we ripped the bandaid off, together. Based on what I knew of my husband, I thought if I gave him some feeling of control over the structure of his life again, that he might stabilize. I was mentally fortified yesterday, feeling strong enough to handle anything short of violence, which … Continue reading The End, And The Beginning Of The End →

Sex and the Conservative Christian Girl: part 2

Content note: lengthy, frank discussion of at least one human's sexuality, profanity, lack of euphemisms, unlikely to be erotic or sexy, sorry. Part One Fantasizing turned out to be the best way for me to keep my sex life alive for a while. Fantasize until seriously horny, then seek out my husband for sex. That … Continue reading Sex and the Conservative Christian Girl: part 2 →

Sex and the Conservative Christian Girl

Content note: lengthy, frank discussion of at least one human's sexuality Lengthy frank was on purpose and I'm not apologizing. Second content note: said discussion is unlikely to be erotic or sexy, sorry - unless your kink is stories of awkward, ignorant, repressed sexuality, in which case, enjoy! Third content note: profanity, lack of euphemisms … Continue reading Sex and the Conservative Christian Girl →

Faithless

Where every step I took in faith betrayed me... I'd put a playlist on but hadn't really been paying close attention. An old favorite from my teen years was playing, though, and the above line leaped out at me. Every step I took in faith betrayed me. It might be hard to find another sentence … Continue reading Faithless →

Morbid Curiosity Leads to Anger

I distract myself by browsing a lot of blogs. Some I click on out of morbid curiosity, especially if they appear to be written by conservative Christians. Most of the time, I'm grimly amused at the way they think and write, glad I've left that world behind me. Today, though, I stumbled across a blog … Continue reading Morbid Curiosity Leads to Anger →

Christianity As A Cloak For Mental Illness

I was reading the comments on a post about religion and mental health and found some poor Christians talking about being tormented by demons and now I'm over here in a rage just wanting to scream YOU ARE NOT BEING TORMENTED BY DEMONS YOU HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS AND NEED TREATMENT, NOT JESUS.* Jesus-fucking-christ. Several … Continue reading Christianity As A Cloak For Mental Illness →

Saved From Faith

It's been 8 months since my brain apparently decided to reboot and defragment the drive. I haven't had a relapse into a major, lasting depression, in spite of major stressors like an upcoming move and relationship woes. I remembered the feeling of taking joy in my existence, and experienced it again, not as an echo … Continue reading Saved From Faith →

Haunted Music

Well that was an eerie and emotionally brutal experience. I've listened to music I enjoyed in my teens and early adulthood before, and sometimes it's brought back bad memories and left a bad taste in my mouth, and sometimes I've laughed and felt embarrassed over the teenage angst that I associate with certain songs. This … Continue reading Haunted Music →