I have another 4 days off in a row. This will be followed by 4 days working. I'd rather the shifts were spread out a little more, though, as even just a 4 day stretch trapped in quarantine with my ex is mildly insanity inducing at best. Last night I was consoling myself that at … Continue reading An Unwanted Visit
Tag: sleep deprivation
It’s Fine Until It’s Not
[A couple of months ago I felt confident enough about where I was, mentally and emotionally, to let my group chat with my sister J, A and M know I'd been blogging. M wanted to be able to read it, so I sent her the link. M, if you're reading this, I suggest you stop … Continue reading It’s Fine Until It’s Not
Surviving the Plague
The plague, in this case, being anxiety. H did end up messaging me back, confirming he would still be available for a trip to Newfields. By then, my anxiety had already spiked through the roof - thanks, anxiety - so while it helped it wasn't enough to restore me to former levels. I realized that … Continue reading Surviving the Plague
Anxiety, the Plague of My Existence
I've definitely made some headway with anxiety in the last year. Huge progress. But I'm still caught in that vicious loop of sleep deprivation worsening anxiety which in turn causes sleep deprivation. I really fucking hate anxiety. It's definitely been spiking again since my husband informed me that he filed. I mean, how could it … Continue reading Anxiety, the Plague of My Existence
Revisiting My Goals
I wrote a list on July 12th, 2019 and published it on this blog the following day. Priorities:Sleep (regular, long enough, restful)Environment (uncluttered and clean enough)Social life (hobbies I enjoy where I can meet people and hopefully make friends, plus meeting people I know face-to-face)Employment (wardrobe, make-up, managing anxiety, training/certification, pays enough)Exploration (getting out of … Continue reading Revisiting My Goals
Nightmare
Literal nightmare. I decided I'd focus yesterday around maintaining my good mood, and succeeded. It stayed good or pleasant the whole way through. Every time my brain would try to bring up a topic that was something that would hurt me or make me anxious I gently pushed it away or treated it with calm … Continue reading Nightmare
Emotional Shock, Part 1
This is a follow up to Growth and Interesting Times, Part 3. I couldn't do much on Sunday. Having realized that I was still in a better place now than I was 5 years ago I felt calmer, though. The courts were closed on Monday but I would probably be able to call local lawyers … Continue reading Emotional Shock, Part 1
A Space Of My Own
I've got a bit of a headache right now, which is clinging to me in spite of having taken a couple of ibuprofen earlier. Worth it. I'd brought up to my husband that I had a solution to our sleeping arrangements. Not a great solution, but a solution. The boys weren't using their walk in … Continue reading A Space Of My Own
Turning Things Around, Part 3
By the time I was on the road I was in emotional agony but also determined to do something about it. I got on I69, determined to go at least as far as Muncie, IN. I'd brought my laptop along, figuring if I needed to extend my break from home that I could stop at … Continue reading Turning Things Around, Part 3
Turning Things Around, Part 2
There were several factors that went into bringing me to a point of crisis, again. First and foremost, sleep deprivation. 3 hours of sleep twice in 3 nights is not a good state of affairs when someone is mentally and emotionally fragile. We'd told the kids about the divorce, and then had to try carrying … Continue reading Turning Things Around, Part 2
On A Good Day 