Thursday something occurred that felt nearly miraculous. My therapist expressed his opinion that I was doing so well that all I might need at this point would be the occasional session to check in and make sure everything was still okay. It's a little less than 2 years since I embarked on a journey to … Continue reading Recovery
Tag: recovery
I’m Not Dead Yet But I Don’t Think I’ll Take A Walk, Yet
Well, life changed in a big way. I got employment. I got my own apartment. I forced my ex to agree to 50/50 custody for the summer. My mental health improved significantly. I started dabbling with dating. My writing habit got derailed. We were supposed to have a final hearing for the divorce in September. … Continue reading I’m Not Dead Yet But I Don’t Think I’ll Take A Walk, Yet
Solid Ground
In 2015, easily one of the worst (if not the worst) years I had for depression and mental health issues, I felt like I was alone in the ocean, at night, with no idea which way to swim in order to reach land - just trying to float and wondering if I would go under. … Continue reading Solid Ground
Bits and Pieces, 5-22-2020
This format worked fairly well last time so I may stick with this going forward during this period where I don't get the energy to post daily. First off - ten years from now when my youngest is 18 and presumably interested in becoming an independent adult that does not spend all her time with … Continue reading Bits and Pieces, 5-22-2020
Bits and Pieces
I was so devastated at the idea of working retail. I sucked it up and applied for a job and I ended up working at a grocery store in a pandemic. That sounds pretty terrible on the surface of things. So it's a little surreal that when I'm at work I'm the most at peace … Continue reading Bits and Pieces
So Many Feelings
H introduced me to something called synthesia / black MIDIs which is basically music that builds up into cramming as many notes as possible before sanity or the computer breaks down. H likes it - I think I'd have to be very heavily caffeinated and high on life before I could actually enjoy it as … Continue reading So Many Feelings
I’m Okay
I'm not great, I'm not terrible. After a very rough start to the quarantine and social distancing, I've settled into an equilibrium of sorts. I'm not at my best - I managed to have a pretty good few weeks from February to mid-March. The anxiety and depression were very low, happiness was up. I'm definitely … Continue reading I’m Okay
Unslumping
Woke up this morning and started feeling anxiety kicking back in. A and H weren't very talkative Friday, and it made me start going into an anxiety spiral of 'what if I lost them as friends?' which was so gut-twisting it made me want to scream into the void. But that put me into problem-solving … Continue reading Unslumping
Malleable
Yesterday had an interesting moment for me. I was not pleased about my reaction to working retail. I've worked retail before and I do know how mentally and emotionally crushing I found it, but this is not a good time for turning up my nose at available employment and I was almost as unhappy about … Continue reading Malleable
Powerful
I listened to melancholy, sad songs all morning. Wrote. Processed. Grieved. The weather is nice today, so I prioritized getting out for a walk and drove up to Potter's Bridge sometime after noon. By the time I got there, I realized my mood was significantly improving. I felt powerful. I asked myself a question, dug … Continue reading Powerful
On A Good Day 