Bits and Pieces

I was so devastated at the idea of working retail. I sucked it up and applied for a job and I ended up working at a grocery store in a pandemic. That sounds pretty terrible on the surface of things. So it's a little surreal that when I'm at work I'm the most at peace … Continue reading Bits and Pieces →

Spotty

My desire to write ends up MIA a lot these days, which is sad because I'd like to keep up with what's going on a little more consistently. My ability to focus on reading has also been MIA a lot. That means my presence around here is spotty at best. Anyway, I had an encounter … Continue reading Spotty →

Instability

This morning my ex informed me maintenance would be coming over. After they arrived, he showed up at the door to my "bedroom" (aka the walk-in closet in my boys' bedroom) and asked if I knew where the screw was from the towel bar that had fallen off the wall. I looked confused and shrugged … Continue reading Instability →

So Many Feelings

H introduced me to something called synthesia / black MIDIs which is basically music that builds up into cramming as many notes as possible before sanity or the computer breaks down. H likes it - I think I'd have to be very heavily caffeinated and high on life before I could actually enjoy it as … Continue reading So Many Feelings →

Brief Update

Have not been great about updating. The days when I don't work I'm trapped here in quarantine with my ex and even though he's more or less behaving himself, it's stressful and draining. Just wrapped up my 3rd of 4 shifts this week and the physicality of the job is finally getting to me. Have … Continue reading Brief Update →

An Unwanted Visit

I have another 4 days off in a row. This will be followed by 4 days working. I'd rather the shifts were spread out a little more, though, as even just a 4 day stretch trapped in quarantine with my ex is mildly insanity inducing at best. Last night I was consoling myself that at … Continue reading An Unwanted Visit →

It’s Fine Until It’s Not

[A couple of months ago I felt confident enough about where I was, mentally and emotionally, to let my group chat with my sister J, A and M know I'd been blogging. M wanted to be able to read it, so I sent her the link. M, if you're reading this, I suggest you stop … Continue reading It’s Fine Until It’s Not →

Sacrifice, Restoration and Awkward Timing

I entered my marriage with a fantastic metabolism. I could eat anything in any amount and stayed right around 120-125lbs. By my 3rd pregnancy, my metabolism was giving up. After my 4th pregnancy, I'd gone from a size 6 to a size 12 and was around 175lbs. I felt a little guilty for caring about … Continue reading Sacrifice, Restoration and Awkward Timing →

I’m Okay

I'm not great, I'm not terrible. After a very rough start to the quarantine and social distancing, I've settled into an equilibrium of sorts. I'm not at my best - I managed to have a pretty good few weeks from February to mid-March. The anxiety and depression were very low, happiness was up. I'm definitely … Continue reading I’m Okay →

Unslumping

Woke up this morning and started feeling anxiety kicking back in. A and H weren't very talkative Friday, and it made me start going into an anxiety spiral of 'what if I lost them as friends?' which was so gut-twisting it made me want to scream into the void. But that put me into problem-solving … Continue reading Unslumping →