I'm really struggling. I feel like I exist as a place for my dreams to die. It's the opposite of helpful for people to try and be encouraging and hopeful and say that one day, things will be better, one day I'll get the things I need. Oh really? Well, I've already put nearly 40 … Continue reading Low


Yesterday had an interesting moment for me. I was not pleased about my reaction to working retail. I've worked retail before and I do know how mentally and emotionally crushing I found it, but this is not a good time for turning up my nose at available employment and I was almost as unhappy about … Continue reading Malleable

Stupid Human Psyche

So, I had recently made the realization that everything related to searching for employment was causing me significant anxiety, MORE anxiety than getting divorced and currently being trapped living with my ex. Which made no sense. What was I afraid of? What was hanging out in my psyche that was making this so goddamn difficult? … Continue reading Stupid Human Psyche

Anxiety, the Plague of My Existence

I've definitely made some headway with anxiety in the last year. Huge progress. But I'm still caught in that vicious loop of sleep deprivation worsening anxiety which in turn causes sleep deprivation. I really fucking hate anxiety. It's definitely been spiking again since my husband informed me that he filed. I mean, how could it … Continue reading Anxiety, the Plague of My Existence

Revisiting My Goals

I wrote a list on July 12th, 2019 and published it on this blog the following day. Priorities:Sleep (regular, long enough, restful)Environment (uncluttered and clean enough)Social life (hobbies I enjoy where I can meet people and hopefully make friends, plus meeting people I know face-to-face)Employment (wardrobe, make-up, managing anxiety, training/certification, pays enough)Exploration (getting out of … Continue reading Revisiting My Goals