I’d mentioned only a couple of posts ago, I think, how it felt like I was putting so much effort into holding ground but end up feeling like I’m never able to advance.
I was told that if I hadn’t heard from the career center about next week’s Excel course by 3pm today to call. So when 3pm rolled around and I’d never received a call, I called, and was informed it was full.
I asked my career advisor to be in that class on August 27th, 3 1/2 weeks ago. Actually, I asked him earlier than that, but he told me he wanted to have our one-on-one meeting first, which was on the 27th. So am I to believe 3 1/2 weeks isn’t early enough, or did he just not bother to put my name in?
I almost cried on the phone when the receptionist told me the workshop was already full. I held it together as best I could and was told they could put me on standby, and that I’ll find out Monday afternoon if there will be a spot open for me.
But if I don’t get the standby spot? I’ll have to wait until November, because the Excel teacher is out for October. The next Word workshop isn’t until almost the end of October. I have to email the same adviser that never put my name in for the Excel workshop and hope he actually puts my name in for the Word workshop.
I ranted to A and H about this latest setback, and A suggested I check with my library because sometimes they offer free computer courses. They do – this month’s Excel course started… yesterday. They’ll do a 3 part series in October, but there’s only one session per week and it won’t wrap up until the very end of October. So either way, if I don’t get in on standby, I’m delayed at least a month. And the library’s course is unlikely to be as comprehensive.
I can’t even just indulge in crying about this, because I’m here with my husband and four kids. Even if I hide out in the bathroom, they’ll be able to see that my face is red and puffy when I come out, and of course anyone that sees me is going to want to know what’s wrong – that’s not a conversation I want to have.
I really need to feel like I’m making some kind of tangible progress towards my goals, and have things that I could do outside the apartment. It’s definitely been difficult to cope this week. I’m not doing much good keeping anxiety at bay and this is making it hard to keep depression at bay.
I guess this probably doesn’t seem like much to get so upset about. Reaching the point where even the small things feel like a ton of bricks is why I need to change my life and get out of this situation in the first place, though, and here I am just having to drag my feet while still stuck in that situation.