Sexual Attitudes, Kinsey, Orientation, Gender

Sorry, I mentioned I’d be writing further about online tests and I’m delivering on that promise. So among the personality tests I was playing around with, there were other tests involving attitudes, social norms, gender and sexuality, etc. (Be prepared for some lingo associated with the LGBT community and those on the left. Because I happen to be part of both of those, in case anyone missed it.)

The one for sexual attitudes amused me. They did not give an option for trans and non-binary people to be included in the results, but divided them simply between the results perceived male and female participants have yielded in the past. The categories were permissiveness, responsibility, communion and instrumentality. (Communion has to do with how much you think love and emotional bonding should be part of sex, and instrumentality has to do with seeing sex as being about personal pleasure, even if it comes at the expense of your partner.)

Men are generally more permissive about sex than women, but I was more permissive than both. (I support polyamory and open marriages, etc. as long as the people involved are being ethical and have the willing support of their partner or partners, and I support porn and sex work provided, again, if they are handled in ethical, consensual ways.)

I was maxed out in the responsibility category, coming in ahead of men and women again. I did note that while women were (unsurprisingly) more serious about responsibility than men, it was reasonably close, and the highest category for men and women out of the four categories, and that was actually encouraging.

For communion, men and women scored quite closely, with women scoring slightly higher. It was the second highest category for both, after responsibility. I scored much lower. I think that is, honestly, because I’ve never had a sexual partner with whom I was in love and sexually attracted to. I know I’m capable of sex without it being a particularly emotional experience. Without having been able to experience sex with a partner that I had romantic & physical attraction for, I have no way of evaluating the importance of love to the sexual experience.

Instrumentality was the category where both men and women scored the lowest, indicating most people do not believe that sex should be a selfish experience, though men were far more willing to be selfish than women (not a surprise). I scored much lower than both. I believe all people involved should be receiving pleasure from sex and am absolutely not okay with using deceit and manipulation to obtain sex from anyone.

So, I’m more permissive, more responsible, less emotional and more unselfish? That seems like an amusing set of results to get all at once.

The gender test was obnoxious because it’s clear they’ve assigned masculine or feminine value to certain traits, and I doubt those values are assigned in that fashion world-wide. (I could be wrong). I rated 56% masculine and 14% feminine according to how the traits were assigned, which wasn’t a surprise. I am, after all, genderqueer.

The orientation one annoyed the shit out of me, because it only had to do with feelings, fantasies and sexual activity in the last two weeks. Of course it’s going to skew towards men right now, because I’m in love with a person in a male body. Prior to falling in love with a man, I had mild crushes on two different women, and prior to realizing I was bisexual, spent three years fixated on a personable, attractive woman that worked at my local grocery store without having realized what was going on. I’ve fantasized about men and women for most of my adult life. The first celebrity I felt stirrings of sexual interest for as a teenager was Jay Davidson, a gay man playing the androgynous villain Ra in the move Stargate.

Thanks to the 2 week time frame, it barely put me into the bisexual quadrant.

Moving on to the Kinsey scale test, it listed me as heterosexual with more than incidental homosexual tendencies. I’ve only ever had one sexual partner, and that partner is a man. So asking me who I’ve had sex with and having to answer ‘only people of the opposite sex’ is immediately going to skew the results. And, of course, it’s going off of a binary scale that leaves trans and non-binary people out of the equation. (Both as a genderqueer person taking the test, and not being given the option to say I’m also attracted to trans and non-binary people, as well as men and women.)

I’ve almost never been attracted to people that register as an obvious cis male. (Neither my husband nor the man I fell in love with are in any way stereotypical cis men, and I’m not even sure the latter is cis at all.) In fact, when I see a shirtless male runner heading toward me while I’m out walking, and he’s exuding a confident aura of ‘see how manly and athletic I am?!’ it makes me want to burst out laughing. I can see that Jason Momoa and Chris Hemsworth are aesthetically pleasing humans, but I’m not personally attracted to them or their type.

This post brought to you courtesy of the fact that I couldn’t get out for my usual morning walk, because I had to pick up my older daughter from school after she threw up. So now I’m passing the time and trying to keep anxiety at bay with writing instead of walking.

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