I was raised to believe in making moral choices. Healthy choices. Safe choices. Good choices. Choices based on reason, not emotion. Don’t follow your heart, your heart is stupid and will want things that are bad for you.
Here I am, at 38, having done my best to make moral, healthy, safe, good choices based on reason, not emotion.
It’s ironic the result has been my personal hell.
Having taken the route of the seemingly ‘wise’ choice netted me a life without anything – or anyone – that I actually wanted.
And to add a hefty kick to this existential crisis is the fact that I was promised making wise, healthy choices would lead to a better life, not just a better afterlife but a better life in the here-and-now.
I don’t believe in an afterlife. All I’ve got is the here-and-now, and only half as much of that now – half if I’m lucky.
If making unwise or unsafe choices had gotten me killed, I wouldn’t care, because I’d be dead.
Making ‘wise’ and ‘safe’ choices netted me a personal, personalized hell and I care about that because I’m alive.
Why are you like this, life? Conversely, why am I like this, life?
There are people out there that would probably kill to take my place in my personalized hell.
I swear if there were a god consciously keeping tabs on us that god is sadistic and cackles over situations like mine. Or, possibly they’re Bender.
On A Good Day 