Writing Since I Can’t Wander

Dammit, I forgot my headphones so I won’t be able to listen to music and block out the noise while waiting for my daughters’ swim lessons to finish.

Fortunately the pain of being subjected to the screeches of random children is offset by the fact that it is an absolutely gorgeous day.

It’s cool and windy, but bright and sunny. I love the quality of this morning light because it makes the trees and the grass glow as they’re being tossed about in the wind. The sky is the clearest I’ve seen in a while. There are wispy clouds low on the eastern horizon and a couple of small clumps being pushed rapidly towards the southeast.

As much as I love this weather it’s not without a certain amount of discomfort. This sort of day stokes the fire of wanderlust and makes me want to set out on a spontaneous exploration of somewhere I’ve never been before – which is a reminder that I don’t have the freedom to do so.

At least we’ll be getting a second vehicle after we move to Indiana. As long as my brain continues to heal and nothing occurs that pushes me back into another long depression, I might be able to enjoy fall and indulge my wanderlust in minor ways while the children are in school.

I’m going to try and work on my social life after we move, too. That’s going to be another sort of adventure. I feel anxious just thinking about it but I want to at least try to become less isolated. If it doesn’t work out, I won’t be any worse off than before, and if it does work out, hopefully I’ll have some new friends that I can spend time with in person.

Right now all of my friends are hundreds of miles away, scattered broadly throughout the US. Many of the people I’ve been in regular communication with for years now, including some of my best friends, I’ve only met once, if at all.

H lives not too far south of where we’ll be living, so I should at least be able to meet him in person, but if his reputation is correct I won’t be able to expect a lot of in-person socializing. R and C live in Indiana, too, but each are at least a 2 1/2 to 3 hour drive from where I’ll be located, so while I’ll be able to meet them, I doubt we’ll see each other that often.

My mom has mentioned that one of her good friends lives not too far away from my new location, and that said friend has a daughter in the area she thinks I’d enjoy being friends with. My family have never been good at figuring out what sorts of people I’d want to spend time with, though, so I’m quite leery about pursuing that lead.

My sister J, in fact, took it upon herself to try and do some unasked friend match-making when I still lived in Florida, and while I did accept a Facebook friend request from the person she suggested I be friends with, we had almost nothing in common beyond having both been homeschooled. We never met in person, and said person has since unfriended me due to differences in political opinions.

J and my mom seem to take the point of view that AJ clearly needs in person friends, and just about any person will do as long as they like Tolkien or somesuch. Here, throw this person at AJ and see if they stick!

I’ve actually never really been the sort of person to bond over shared fandoms, though. The people that I’m in contact with on a weekly basis are all interested in nerdy things, and while there’s some overlap in interest, those specific interests aren’t what connects us.

The qualities that I’m drawn to in people are more general and intangible – a certain way of seeing and interacting with the world. Without those intangible qualities I get bored easily and being bored while socializing is hell. I’d rather be lonely.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s