Cultivating An Air Of Mystery

I am part of a long running group chat in which the three other participants and I have grown so comfortable with each other that we have no problem discussing TMI topics. Last night’s discussion involved what is apparently an age old discussion in a broader sense: whether or not we were comfortable using the toilet in front of a significant other, or them using the toilet in front of us.

All four of us were in agreement that we did not want anyone to poop in front of us, or poop in front of anyone. Not my kink, as I said. My sister J said if she had sex with a man she did not want to have to then hear, smell or see his poop. On the other hand, she did not particularly care if an SO peed when she was in the bathroom. I wish my husband wasn’t comfortable peeing when I’m in the bathroom. A & M were both against it as well.

M had apparently participated in a discussion like this with other women prior to a friend’s wedding, and they had all seemed to think that going to the bathroom in front of each other was an inevitability and that eventually people got used to it, which left M feeling like the odd one out.

On the other hand, J said she’d known a couple that had been married 20 years and the wife still wouldn’t even fart in front of her husband, which does seem a little excessive.

It was then mentioned that in yet another discussion (humans REALLY love to discuss our toilet habits, admit it, you’ve probably had TMI toilet conversations, too) someone had talked about letting there be an ‘air of mystery.’

That’s just fucking ridiculous of course. Unless someone is with the saddest, most ignorant sort of person, their SO knows that they pee and poop and refusing to do so in front of their SO will not make their actions a mystery.

I promptly said that if someone actually wants to cultivate an air of mystery, they should covertly add purple food coloring to the toilet bowl on occasion. When their SO questions them about it, huff that THEY don’t ask questions about the color of their SO’s pee and refuse to discuss it any further.

So I’m freely offering this idea to anyone that wants to cultivate an air of mystery in their relationship.

You’re welcome!

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